The Ten Weirdest Members of Congress

Texas claims three of the top spots.

So he traveled to a supermax prison in Colorado to interview co-conspirator Terry Nichols. The congressman was convinced that Nichols had been taught to build bombs in the Philippines by Ramsi Yousef, the man behind the first World Trade Center attack. He also sent a staffer to the island nation to prove the connection.

Yet Nichols, who had every incentive to throw blame elsewhere, admitted there was no conspiracy.

A year later, Rohrabacher stumbled into a new black hole, this one involving the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy.

Ted Cruz
illustration by Tom Huck
Ted Cruz
Scott DesJarlais
illustration by Tom Huck
Scott DesJarlais

On the night in 1968 when Kennedy was murdered by Sirhan Sirhan, the congressman was attending a different election party at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles. He claims he saw "another Arab" tackled and arrested by police in the lobby.

Naturally, the spotting of two Arabs in a single L.A. hotel could not be coincidence. To Rohrabacher, it could only mean one thing: a vast Palestinian conspiracy!

Fast-forward to the day in 2007 that Sirhan, an inmate at California State Prison, Corcoran, was told by guards that someone named "Diana" had arrived to see him. Instead of a woman visitor, however, Sirhan found himself face-to-face with Rohrabacher and two aides. He assured the congressman there was no conspiracy.

"I think [Rohrabacher's] kookiness is part of what's kept him in Washington," says Debbie Cook, the former mayor of Huntington Beach, who came closest to unseating the 13-term representative. "The more he keeps his name in the press, the better he does."

Even without the support of convicted killers, Rohrabacher's conspiracy theories soldier on. His latest emerged after the slayings of Libyan ambassador Chris Stevens and three other Americans in Benghazi. The congressman took to Twitter to suggest that President Obama had left the men to die to ensure his re-election.

It was a bizarre assertion, given that dead ambassadors rarely make for effective campaign commercials.

5.

Louie Gohmert

(R-Texas)

Loud, Proud and Without a Functioning

Cerebral Cortex

In January, Republican leaders convened in Charlotte to lick their wounds from the last election. Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal got straight to the point: "We must stop being the stupid party."

No one better exemplifies Jindal's lament than the man whose district shares Louisiana's border, Texas congressman Louie Gohmert. Or, as the spokesperson for Texas's Democratic Party calls him, "our go-to guy when we want a crazy quote."

Gohmert's apparent strategy: The louder and crazier he talks, the less anyone will notice his lack of a functioning cerebral cortex.

Take the February 2012 hearing at which Gohmert claimed the trans-Alaska pipeline was responsible for a booming caribou population. Flowing oil warmed the ground, he explained, serving as an aphrodisiac for the antlered set.

"So when they want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline," claimed the Carrie Bradshaw of imaginary science.

Less amusing were comments in the wake of two high-profile shootings. After the Sandy Hook massacre, he said of the school's murdered principal: "I wish to God she had an M-4 in her office."

Following the movie-theater slaughter in Aurora, Colorado, he bemoaned the fact that no one had pulled a gun, allowing for "ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs" — as if deranged killer James Holmes had somehow struck a blow for atheism.

Gohmert tried to remedy this perceived cowardice in his own workplace, introducing legislation that would allow politicians to carry pistols in the Capitol. (Like nearly all legislation he proposes, it went nowhere.)

But Gohmert's weirdness reaches beyond guns and caribou. Any conservative congressman worth his American-flag lapel pin must have a Muslim conspiracy theory. So Gohmert fabricated one more lacking in evidence than all the rest.

His latest outcry is the "terror babies" conspiracy, a scenario in which scores of pregnant Muslim women fly to the U.S. solely to give birth, and the children then return to the Middle East to undergo decades of anti-American indoctrination. Once the kids reach maturity, they fly back to blow up a small chunk of the country, thus completing their mission.

Unfortunately for Gohmert, the FBI gives no credence to his theory. And when told by CNN's Anderson Cooper that the notion was ridiculous, Gohmert offered no evidence to the contrary.

Instead, he compared himself to Winston Churchill, telling Cooper that "the explosions will not happen for ten or 15 or 20 years, and then you will be one of those blips."

It doesn't quite sound like the new, intellectual Republican Party Jindal is aiming for.

4.

Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas)

The Queen of Mean in the Nation's Capital

Houston's Sheila Jackson Lee arrived in Congress in 1995. It took just 11 days for the first of Lee's staff members to quit, and the congresswoman has shown no sign of slowing down since.

Every year, Washingtonian magazine runs a survey of the "meanest" bosses on Capitol Hill. Lee has never finished outside of the top three. According to employees, she often refers to them as "morons," "idiots" and the always-endearing "stupid motherfuckers."

"I am a queen, and I demand to be treated like a queen," she once told an aide, according to the Houston Press.

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10 comments
jeannebroadway
jeannebroadway

You included Ted Cruz, an actual "America First" Senator, and you leave out Sheila Jackson Lee, the imbecilic witch from Hell. WOW, could this writer be a left wing wacko.

Anse
Anse

I am not surprised that Darth Cheney becomes easily distracted by the delectable sight of blood.

leahshell1009
leahshell1009

The bf and I have been laughing about "Gomer" for years. Luckily, no one takes these nut jobs seriously. The more light that is shone upon their idiocy, the less likely we will have to suffer them in the future. Great article and great writing.

StaceinTexas
StaceinTexas

I wonder why Caleb is so intimidated by Senator Cruz.

Kylejack
Kylejack topcommenter

No Kerry Bentivolio?

gcbeehler
gcbeehler

The animated gif of 'snake' Bachmann is amazing!

stevek77536
stevek77536

The movie "Idiocracy", while not great, did have an interesting concept and some good lines:

"Narrator: Unaware of what year it was [distant future], Joe wandered the streets desperate for help. But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valleygirl, inner-city slang and various grunts. Joe was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice he sounded pompous and faggy to them."

Maybe the pols in the article can be the cast of a second try (this time a documentary?).

Anse
Anse

@StaceinTexas A man with a gun can be dangerous. A very, very stupid man with a gun is a menace. 

 
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