Crazy for Crawfish

Houston's 10 best mudbug joints.

If all goes well, you'll finish the day with some good stories and one of the brewery's highly coveted souvenir pint glasses in your hand, further proving your worth and dominance over your sucker friends who stayed home.

Yes, it sounds easy in theory — but it does take a bit of expertise to complete one successfully like a boss. And because I like you guys, I'm sharing my pro tips on how to do just that:

1. Eat a hearty breakfast before the crawl.

Freshly boiled bugs at The Seafood Shoppe.
Troy Fields
Freshly boiled bugs at The Seafood Shoppe.
A big, beautiful breakfast at Tel-Wink Grill.
Dawn McGee
A big, beautiful breakfast at Tel-Wink Grill.

Skip the most important meal on the day of the pub crawl and you'll be making some extremely regrettable food decisions by the time you get to the third or fourth bar. Take the Domino's conveniently located next to Big Easy, for example.

2. Be on time.

The pub crawls usually last about three to four hours, and there may be up to seven different bars on the hit list. Unless you want to spend your time at the last three bars playing a little game we like to call "Chug™," punctuality is a key.

3. Be sure to get a punch card.

The Saint Arnold crew will be handing out the cards only during the first hour of the crawl, and you'll need this golden ticket for the pint glass at the end.

4. Come prepared with a disguise or a really

You'll need one of these to pawn your way into a second punch card when your friend who promised to meet you there at 2 p.m. inevitably texts you at 2:55 saying he's "running late" and can you "get him a punch card, please, he'll buy you your next beer." Depending on the day and the hole-puncher, this could be a tricky task.

5. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon.

Okay, well, it's not a marathon, either — it's a crawl, but you get the point. Take your time, enjoy the day and whatever you do, don't take your friend up on that stupid drinking bet he tries to pitch to you at bar number two.

6. Try out a new kind of brew.

The delicious in-season beer is why you're here, after all. And don't fret if the bar inside just tapped out of the Spring Bock you've been wanting to try. Take a step back and look around — there's most likely another beer line formed right behind your dumb ass.

7. If the crawl is themed, participate in it!

When else can you dress like an asshole on a Saturday afternoon? And speaking of looking like assholes...

8. Take lots of pictures.

You'll appreciate them tomorrow.

9. Watch the clock.

Be sure to actually A) make it to all the bars on the list and B) get your card punched at each bar. And if for some reason you forget, don't try to punch a hole in your card with your teeth. It doesn't work, and no one will appreciate being handed a chewed-up card at the end of the night.

10. Ladies: Bring extra toilet paper.

The bars will run out. Just trust me.

11. Finish strong.

You made it to the final bar! Now get in that long-ass line and collect your hard-earned pint glass. Don't worry — the line moves faster than you think.

You did it! You completed the crawl! But wait, you're not outta the woods yet. You still have to make it home and possibly to whatever unfortunate place you are about to go to for food. So...

12. Bring something to hold your glass in.

Otherwise, while you're ordering the largest cheesesteak Texadelphia has to offer, the glass may "squeeze" out of your back pocket and smash on the floor, resulting in a very angry mother of three scolding a very confused you as your friends laugh at you from the safety of their booth in the back corner.

That totally didn't happen; I'm just guessing that it could. Oh, also:

13. Tip well.

Restaurant News

Openings and Closings
Main Street in Midtown gets more action.

Katharine Shilcutt

If you've been looking for former Eating...Our Words contributor and Zilla Street Eats chef Jason Kerr lately, look no further: Kerr is the new chef at the recently opened second location of Hollister Grill on Washington Avenue. According to Eater Houston, the menu at this newer Hollister Grill is being described "as 'Gulf coast regional cuisine with Southern accents' that also incorporates 'a little bit' of Central American influences."

Eater also reports that meat master Ronnie Killen is testing the waters for his upcoming barbecue restaurant by hosting a series of pop-up dinners at Killen's Steakhouse in Pearland. "Until the barbecue restaurant's location in Pearland is ready," writes editor Eric Sandler, "Killen will serve food Saturday and Sunday from 11:00 a.m. until sold out at his steakhouse."

Elsewhere on the meat beat, La Casa de Caballo is now open for lunch starting at 11 a.m. Monday through Friday. The Tex-Mex steakhouse in Montrose will also be launching brunch this Sunday, March 17, with a menu that features both steaks and breakfast items. (Steak and huevos, anyone?)

In other happy news, B4-U-Eat reports that b10 Vietnamese Cafe reopened last Wednesday after being closed for a week due to a small fire.

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My Voice Nation Help

Bubba's near Memorial Park has a true-blue Cajun doing crawfish on the patio. Last weekend I  hit the spot after a bike ride and was impressed with $4.99/lb. crawfish/extras and beer priced like a Louisiana honky-tonk.