Pope Francis Who?

Five who might have inspired the name.

Number one in Texas? "Teen."


We assume those teens are barely legal, because porn-lovin' Texans would never, ever break the law to satisfy their raw urges.

Meet the welcoming arms of the Lamb of God, punk.
Meet the welcoming arms of the Lamb of God, punk.

After "teen," Texans go to the other end of the age spectrum: "MILF" comes in second. Which means, we guess, that Texans are obsessed with age when it comes to their porn; they just can't make up their minds about what age it should be.

Here's Ye Olde Compleat Porno List for Texans:

1. Teen


3. Creampie

4. College

5. Amateur

6. Massage

7. POV

8. Hentai

9. Anal

10. Ebony

(For those who are not porn aficionados, we are told that "POV" refers to a handheld camera, usually looking down upon a woman on her knees performing an oral service on the cameraman, and "Hentai" is a type of Japanese porn. Oh, and "Creampie" refers to creative uses of jism on women.)

Among the terms that show up on other states' lists that don't even make Texas's top 10:

1. BBW (Big, Beautiful Women; i.e., chubbies)

2. Wife (Non-BBW ones, we assume.)

3. Compilation (For those too busy to search!)

4. Mom (Maybe the survey was taken around Mother's Day?)

5. Asian (Houston obviously did not represent itself in this study.)

6. Lesbian (With a lesbian as mayor, it would be like watching your fourth-grade teacher have sex?)

7. Squirt (Hey, we're in a drought here!!!)

There were also these oddities:

a) The category "Lisa Ann" ranked fourth in South Dakota and seventh in North Dakota. (She gets around.)

b) Iowa's list included "Backstage Casting Couch," "Parody" and "SC (gay)"; unless it involves South Carolina dudes into Nicki Minaj (Go Gamecocks!!), we have no idea what that last is about.

As to the rest of that Iowa list, we guess the one guy who likes porn in Iowa really skews things.

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