Dead and Apathetic

School board election absurdity hits new heights in Texas.

 Highlights from Hair Balls

Political Animals

In these highly charged political times, it's easy to forget that for the most part, the average American is fairly apathetic when it comes to politics. Oh, there may be causes he or she cares about and politicians he or she despises, but when it comes to actually going out and voting...well, that just sounds like a lot of work.

Last week, elections were held across our great state, and for the most part they were fairly quiet and uneventful affairs. Some people won, others lost and a few are getting ready for runoff elections.

It was your typical election night, or at least it would have been if not for the towns of Shiner and Lytle, which decided to spice things up and see which community could have a more absurd school board election result.

We begin in Shiner, a town known more for its beer and its absurd brewery tour hours (seriously, guys, open up a couple of weekends a year) than for its local politics. That all changed last week when the good people of the community got together and re-elected Rusty Mills to office. This wouldn't be a big deal except for one important fact: Mills died back in March.

What is perhaps most interesting about this story is not so much that a dead man was re-elected, but that people knew this was going to happen.

"I'm not surprised. It's an unusual situation," said Shiner Superintendent Trey Lawrence, speaking with the Victoria Advocate.

Unusual is one way to describe it.

Of course, the dead taking power in Shiner is nothing compared to the goings-on in Lytle.

Now, if you've never heard of Lytle, that's okay. All you need to know is that it's about 25 miles southwest of San Antonio and that its school district serves a little more than 1,700 kids. And one of those people presiding over those kids will be Christina Mercado, who won her election over Patty Cortez by one vote.

Before you go thinking this is a story about how every vote counts and how we should all remember to vote, what you need to know is that winning by one vote is not the story here.

The story is that the one vote was the only vote in the election. That's right, Mercado beat Cortez 1-0.

So here's the question: Assuming that Mercado voted for herself and Cortez didn't vote at all, what would have happened if Cortez had voted? Would they have had to hold a runoff election? Would the town have kept having elections until one of the candidates gave in and failed to show up one election day? How many rounds could their 1-1 tie have gone?

Unfortunately for us, but good for the students of Lytle, we'll never know.

 
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