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Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Members of local rockers American Fangs battle a self-proclaimed vampire on tour.

Ask Willie D

Thorny Problem
Should a male co-worker bring another man's girl roses at work?

Willie D

Surely American Fangs hope no one tries to bite them at Free Press Summer Fest this weekend.
Courtesy of American Fangs
Surely American Fangs hope no one tries to bite them at Free Press Summer Fest this weekend.
Delbert McClinton says he has little trouble finding trouble in Houston.
New West Records
Delbert McClinton says he has little trouble finding trouble in Houston.

Dear Willie D:

This happened some time ago, but it's been bothering me. I dropped in on my girlfriend at work two days after Valentine's Day and saw a vase filled with a dozen red roses on her desk. When I inquired about them, she said a male co-worker gave them to her. When I asked why, she said it was because all the other women were receiving flowers on Valentine's Day. When he noticed she didn't have any, he had some delivered.

The co-worker is a douche. I know he likes her because he's always making excuses to talk to her on the phone about work. When I told her that I didn't want some other dude sending my girl flowers, she turned the tables and became upset with me.

She said if I had done what I was supposed to do, he would have never bought the flowers. I don't know what she means by doing what I was supposed to do, since I didn't tell her I was sending flowers. I'm also currently unemployed, so I don't really have the money to splurge like that.

I know women expect things for Valentine's Day, but I cooked for her at home and gave her a card. She never indicated that there was a problem. I told her I don't trust the guy, so she knows how I feel. Is it just me, or am I right to not want another man sending my girl flowers?

Unemployed Lover:

It's not just you. Most men would have a problem with another man sending their girl flowers, especially on Valentine's Day. When you told your girlfriend you didn't trust her co-worker, that was her cue to distance herself from him socially and put you at ease about them working together. Instead, she poured gasoline on a micro-flame and created a wildfire.

Your girlfriend turning the tables is an old blame-the-victim strategy that the guilty use to minimize responsibility. She could benefit from a few courses in girlfriend etiquette. In my opinion, floral arrangements are cool, but there's no adventure in them. Even if you weren't unemployed, I think what you did by cooking for your girl was a far better gift because it was personal and it took more effort.

Assuming you guys can put this behind you, going forward your girl needs to know that it's disrespectful to accept flowers on Valentine's Day from anybody other than her man or father or brother or something like that. And you need to know what your girl's love language is.

Some women respond favorably to touching. For others it might be words of affirmation or quality time. Apparently your girl's love language is gifts, so next time just buy the damn flowers, man.

Ask Willie D appears Thursday mornings on Rocks Off.

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