Growth at All Costs

Heights residents say infrastructure can't support another Trammell Crow property.

Of course, May, a voice of reason to an audience of one (and that only when he's gazing longingly at his lips moving in the mirror), can't stop there. No, May is judge, jury and apparently the head of the "wake-up call" committee, and he deemed from on high that it was time to bring the nukes. Yep, he brought ALL CAPS on Twitter!

"DO YOU HEAR ME, JOHNNY?!? THIS IS MARK MAY!! YOU ARE BRINGING SHAME TO THE GAME!!"

My rendition of May in the previous sentence is clearly a paraphrase as it is bereft of mangled sentence structure and includes proper punctuation (and by "proper," I mean "any").

But wait, there's more!

After May's over-moralizing scud detonated somewhere in the middle of the drool on his QWERTY keyboard, he learns the hard way that shenanigans that happened before the Internet age actually continue to exist in record on the Internet.

Whoa, mind blown...huh, May Day?

Come to find out that May knows a little something about BRINGING SHAME TO THE GAME!! He also knows a little something about inciting a riot, making terroristic threats, criminal mischief, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. As it turns out, in a January 1979 incident, when he was the same age Manziel is right now, May was picked up for all those things as a sophomore at Pitt. (Well, that is to say, he was picked up for them once the cops were able to drag him off the hood of whichever car he had climbed atop and was stomping on at the time.)

As it turns out, May Day stockpiled more charges in one arrest than Manziel has in his entire life. Easily.

But wait, there's more!

Apparently, the age at which said "wake-up calls" were doled out differed drastically in the '80s from today, because how else could you explain a right-thinking bastion of RESPECT FOR THE GAME like Mark May picking up not one but two DUIs as a member of the Washington Redskins?

Inciting a riot, resisting arrest, threats, multiple DUIs for the guy who thinks that Johnny Manziel's hangover at the Manning Passing Academy is going to somehow sully the game of football.

That's rich.

If the NFL Retired Players Association is looking for any more lock cinch test cases for detrimental concussion effects to bolster their case against the NFL, may I suggest they send a doctor over to Bristol, Connecticut, around the last week of August?

Eventually, word got back to May that despite its rise to prominence in the early '90s, the Internet actually is home to information from before 1993, and he was forced to respond to the deluge of tweets from Aggies and lucid thinkers everywhere about his multiple arrests. Here's what we got:

"Thats why I can critique experience"

Those six simple words pretty much sum up perfectly why Mark May is the worst. The worst analyst, the worst wordsmith, the worst punctuator, the worst kind of judgmental soul allowed a voice on a platform that matters.

He doesn't preface his Manziel judgment with "As someone who got into some trouble when I was his age and regrets it," which would have been acceptable, not to mention accountable. Instead, May sits down at his keyboard; loads his Twitter bullet chamber; puts on his self-awarded, fictitious "King of Moral Code"; crown; consults with his "SHAME TO THE GAME" committee of one (himself); and determines that Johnny Manziel must heed his cry.

Johnny Manziel, you are bad, because I, Mark May, dipshit with a microphone and four hours of air time on autumn weekends, deem it so.

And then May is exposed, exposed for the self-righteous prick that he is.

And then, backed into a corner, he realizes in a cold sweat that he is in the mouth-breathing 2 percent of Internet users who forgot you could pull old articles from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette in 1979.

And then May goes all "Mark May," retrofitting his sanctimonious ALL CAPS bullshit tweet into some sort of 140-character instructional sermon based on "his own personal experience."

So in one fell swoop, May went from espousing that Manziel can't get in any more trouble to May's own trouble being the cover charge that actually allows him to preach to Manziel. This constitutes "logic" in May's warped little corner of the college football world. It's pretty disgusting.

Mark May, you are the height of hypocrisy, the epitome of stupidity and the laziest kind of contrarian television screamer.

Seriously, and I think I speak on behalf of my Aggie friends and television viewers with an IQ over 80 everywhere...fuck you, Mark May.

(Oh, and see that thing separating "fuck you" and your name, Mark? That's a comma. You might want to learn how to use those. Stop bringing shame to the literacy game.)

« Previous Page
 |
 
1
 
2
 
All
 
My Voice Nation Help
1 comments
justflem
justflem

I used to live in the Heights and saw this coming years ago.  When Target was built, everyone complained.  Now they all shop there.  The same for Walmart now.  Eventually they will have to widen Yale as well.  Thanks to the high price of gas, and this being the hip place to live,  this is what you get.  Self-righteous-trust-fund-baby-granola-eating-liberals should not be allowed to bitch just because some apartments come into their sacred little "utopia".

 
Loading...