Lucky 2013

The silver-anniversary Houston Press Music Awards ceremony was a memorable one.

HPMA

A reliably diverse crop of local musicians got lucky at this year's Houston Press Music Awards ceremony last week, with artists ranging from ambitious prog-metal band Oceans of Slumber (Best New Act) to the late Texas Johnny Brown, who won for both Best Blues and Local Musician of the Year after passing away in June.

To celebrate the Awards' 25th year, the Houston Press inducted the first class of the brand-new Houston Music Hall of Fame: gospel star Yolanda Adams, jazz singer Jewel Brown, groundbreaking gangsta rappers the Geto Boys, Tejano supergroup La Mafia, beloved vatos rudos Los Skarnales, local punk/New Wave first ladies Mydolls, trail-ride top draws J. Paul Jr. & the Zydeco Nubreeds, jazz-funk keyboardist/TSU professor Joe Sample, country crooner Gene Watson and a lil' ol' band called ZZ Top.

The Suffers brought the house down before winning Best of Reggae/Ska/Dub for the second year in a row.
Photo by Marco Torres
The Suffers brought the house down before winning Best of Reggae/Ska/Dub for the second year in a row.
Best Solo Rapper winner Fat Tony performed a song from his brand-new album Smart Ass Black Boy.
Photo by Marco Torres
Best Solo Rapper winner Fat Tony performed a song from his brand-new album Smart Ass Black Boy.

The ceremony, held at Warehouse Live and hosted by 94.5 The Buzz afternoon DJ Theresa, also featured performances by HPMA winners such as the Suffers and Fat Tony. The elongated, impassioned Hall of Fame acceptance speech by the Geto Boys' Willie D, whose advice column Ask Willie D appears elsewhere in these pages, brought the crowd to its feet. Congratulations again to all the winners.

BEST LOCAL RECORDING

The Niceguys, James Kelley

BEST LOCAL SONG

Cindy Pruitt, "Epiphany"

BEST LOCAL MUSIC VIDEO

Junior Gordon Band, "Big"

LOCAL MUSICIAN OF THE YEAR

Texas Johnny Brown

BEST NEW ACT

Oceans of Slumber

BEST SONGWRITER

Libby Koch

BEST PRODUCER

Darryl Youngblood

BEST MALE VOCALS

Josh Fuller (Josh Fuller and Dirt & Diesel)

BEST FEMALE VOCALS

Annika Chambers

BEST GUITARIST

Sam Austin (Libby Koch)

BEST BASSIST

Adam Walker (Josh Fuller and Dirt & Diesel)

BEST DRUMMER

Gabe Bravo (The Trimms/Shotgun Funeral)

BEST KEYBOARDS

Ezra Charles (Ezra Charles Band)

BEST OTHER INSTRUMENT

David Weinzapfel (steel guitar, Junior Gordon Band)

BEST SOLO RAPPER

Fat Tony

BEST RAP GROUP

H.I.S.D.

BEST RAP DJ

DJ Mr. Rogers

BEST CLUB DJ/DJ NIGHT

DJ Sun

BEST POP ACT

Chase Hamblin & the Roustabouts

BEST LATIN ACT

La Sien

BEST JAZZ

Free Radicals

BEST BLUES

Texas Johnny Brown

BEST SOUL/FUNK/R&B

Electric Attitude

BEST REGGAE/SKA/DUB

The Suffers

BEST ZYDECO

Zydeco Dots

BEST COUNTRY

Justin van Sant

BEST FOLK/AMERICANA

Grievous Angels

BEST TRADITIONAL ROCK

Grandfather Child

BEST MODERN ROCK

thelastplaceyoulook

BEST GARAGE/PUNK/HARDCORE

The Dead Rabbits

BEST METAL

Oceans of Slumber

BEST EXPERIMENTAL/NOISE

Illegal Wiretaps

BEST ELECTRONIC ACT

Bang Bangz

BEST COVER/TRIBUTE ACT

The Fab 5
_____________________

Pop Life

Crop Circles
We now press pause on the year 2013 to give you Beyoncé's shorter haircut.

Brando

On August 7 in the year of Beyoncé and Blue Ivy 2013, a photo was placed on the official Instagram of her Royal Bey-Hiveness.

The queen had gotten a haircut.

The public gasped, and women immediately called their beauticians at the stroke of midnight wanting the cut. Rihanna, Miley Cyrus and Pink all scoffed before fans peppered them with schoolgirl-like "Girl, did you see what ­Beyoncé did?!" thoughts.

"You're a leader, not a follower!" some hapless fan wrote on Instagram. "She has her own emoji now!" another laughed on Twitter. "The poor, poor weave industry," someone else chimed in. Yes, that poor industry is going to suffer because Beyoncé has enough influence to make women all give themselves The Big Chop.

What do we do? We now live in a world where there are children who have never seen Beyoncé with her glorious mane or endless supply of great wigs and lace-front weaves. These children have to consider that Chris Brown is going to retire this month and that Jay Z ditched his hyphen much like he did Roc-A-Fella or every other business thing that bored him. Forget post-racial America; we're in post-weave Beyoncé times.

Here's how the next 12 months might wind up if Beyoncé keeps her hair like this. You know, because this is super-serious news right here.

August 25: Beyoncé upstages Lady Gaga's giving birth to another Lady Gaga at MTV's VMAs by publicly debuting her new do. Jay Z cackles and tweets #newrules while Rihanna plays with her iPhone, adding more half-naked pics to her Instagram account.

August 26: The fan who caught Beyoncé's hair during a concert a few months ago (while she was still performing!) has now simply been dubbed The Fan and added to the Royal BeyHive Proclamation.

September 15: Full-on patents for "Beyoncé Weave" roll in, replacing Indian Remy and Malaysian as the hottest things in the black-hair world. Beyoncé says her inspiration for cutting her hair was her fans.

September 16: Keri Hilson gets a similar bob cut, and Beyoncé fans viciously go after her.

October 2: Finally ready to unveil her new album, Beyoncé gives us the final images of her long hair in the "Bow Down" video, along with the Houston rappers who do whatever they can to make sure they're in the "I Been On" video. Fans weep, consider August 7 "RIP Baddie Bey Hair Day" and do the "Single Ladies" dance.

November 11: Beyoncé, fully embracing her new look, decides to do the same to her daughter, Blue Ivy. The world freaks out again and calls the cut an even bigger sign of the Illuminati rising up against us to take over.

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