The Houston Valet Conundrum

One of the most hated aspects of dining in Houston

3. Anvil The original home of Tiki Tuesday. Each week Anvil's bartenders dress in aloha wear and conspire to create a cocktail menu based on different specific themes, like flaming drinks or "summer harvest." But if weeknights don't work for you, never fear. Anvil can still make a mean modern daiquiri, and their new menu even includes a play on the Dark and Stormy.

2. Under the Volcano For years, the Volcano was the only place in town to get cocktails made with fresh-squeezed juice. And they're still the only place to get those frozen rum and Cokes or more sophisticated, unusual fare like a lychee cocktail. And when it comes to décor, the Volcano has it down. Wood everywhere, those papier-mache masks, the little Mictecacihuatl statue inside the little niche. Okay, so that's not exactly Polynesia, but it's South American, which when it comes to atmosphere is close enough.

1. Double Trouble Try a $1,500 and Two Weeks Off, Double Trouble's play on the mai tai, and bask in the glow of a large Witco lamp (he's the artist who decorated Elvis's Jungle Room at Graceland). There are a few other rum drinks on the menu, and Double Trouble usually has a Jamaican punch settling in the cooler, but the real action here happens on tiki night, the last Monday of every month. On those nights, Double Trouble teams up with the owner of Sig's Lagoon (purveyor of fine tiki mugs) to provide music and more to add to the Polynesia atmosphere.

Restaurant News

Openings and Closings

Family-friendly restaurants, Labor Day openings & more. Molly Dunn

What a month it has been for openings and closings. Fortunately, we haven't seen many restaurants leave the Houston dining scene, but we are in store for a ton of anticipated fall openings. We will get to that in a little bit, so let's start with the openings and closings from this week.

Habibi Cakes officially opened in the Spring Branch area and already has a review on Yelp with pictures of the new establishment. The bakery specializes in cupcakes, cakes made with fondant and ice cream. Unlike most bakeries, Habibi Cakes offers "Decorating Parties" where you and your friends can decorate cakes and cupcakes in the store. The hands-on classes will show you how to use certain tools to decorate cakes and cupcakes and will give you tips on using fondant, edible glitter and tools to write with on your cakes. Each person in the party will get to decorate a two-layer round cake and take it home after the party is over.

Looking for authentic Indian meals and desserts? Well, Jyoti Sweets offers both. At this Indian restaurant on Clay Road, you can feast on a variety of samosas, raita, curry, masala and Indian desserts, such as mango kulfi (ice cream) and kheer. The restaurant also serves baked Indian sweets aside from the desserts offered on the regular menu, like a variety of barfi, which is a confection made from condensed milk and sugar.

According to the B4-U-Eat Newsletter, Mexseaco Bar & Grill opened August 26 on Pearland Parkway. The Tex-Mex restaurant combines the flavors of South Texas and Mexican-American cuisine; the menu features locally caught seafood and a wide variety of Mexican beers.

The old Heights location of D'Amico's was replaced by City Oven on September 3, according to Eater. The restaurant serves 15 beers on tap and roughly nine wood-fire baked pizzas. With football season underway, this could be a new hangout spot to watch the Texans games.

Those of who you enjoy dining at Ibiza, Coppa and Brasserie 19, will need to check out the highly anticipated casual version, Coppa Osteria, which opened September 2. Charles Clark and Grant Cooper have taken the concepts from the previously mentioned restaurants and made a more casual restaurant featuring a pizza drive-thru window, house-made pasta and even charcuterie boards, according to Eater. This Italian restaurant will make you feel at home with the backyard setting and family-friendly atmosphere.

Osteria Mazzantini opened on Labor Day. According to B4-U-Eat, the restaurant had a soft opening August 26 through 31. Only the bar section was open to serve cocktails and items off the bar menu.

Following the trend of family-friendly atmospheres and delectable cuisine, Allo French Rotisserie plans to open in the middle of September. Eric Goldner of Hubbell & Hudson in The Woodlands is bringing a French bistro with a relaxing and casual dining experience to Vintage Park in the coming weeks.

In brick-and-mortar news, Good Dog Hot Dogs food truck will open a permanent location in the Heights next month. While they will still serve hot dogs in the food truck, the brick-and-mortar location will feature non-hot dog entrees and even local craft beer, according to Eater.

During all this hustle and bustle of restaurants opening, Flamingo Steak & Seafood in Galveston shut its doors two weeks ago, but only to reopen with a new name, new venue and new menu. The restaurant is now called Flamingo Bar & Grill, according to B4-U-Eat. We aren't sure what the newly remodeled restaurant looks like or serves on the menu right now. More information to come.

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I was once visiting someone at the Shits Carlton in Houston.  When I walked outside & observed all of the lazy fucks waiting to have their cars parked, I was stunned.  The line extended out the front door and around the block.  It reminded me of drive-through lines for donuts. 

Most of the fucks in the automobiles could use a long fast-paced walk to shed some pounds.  Of course, we don't want these elitist pigs exposed to sunlight.  We have enough raisin-faced fuckers in Houston.