10 Anchormen We Want to Make Out with
Sorry, Burgundy, you're not our type.
Tonight, the Alamo Drafthouse, the place you can drink a lot and watch a movie, is bringing its "Rolling Roadshow" to downtown Houston's Market Square for a movie under the stars. The movie du jour of the evening will be the Will Ferrell vehicle Anchorman. If you've never seen Anchorman, you are probably over 60 and/or hate comedy and/or America. The movie has become a beloved classic with a slew of quotable lines and scenes. I was recently in an HR seminar on workplace communication where an excerpt from the movie was shown to illustrate how important open dialogue is in the workforce (because without it you may be eaten by bears).
What makes this movie so dang funny to me is not just its brilliant ensemble cast or Will Ferrell at his best, but the idea that Ferrell is a really sexy anchorman that women swoon over. I don't think I am in the minority here when I say that Will Ferrell is not the most attractive dude, especially with that 1970s 'stache. But to each his own, of course.
Unlike lady newscasters, who are required to be good-looking, hot anchormen are hard to come by...or are they? Here are ten newscasters we would totally make out with.
10. Chris Cuomo
Jersey Boys (Touring)
TicketsTue., Nov. 15, 7:30pm
The Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses - Master Quest
TicketsFri., Nov. 18, 8:00pm
TicketsSat., Nov. 19, 7:00pm
John Cleese & Eric Idle
TicketsTue., Nov. 29, 7:30pm
Jeff Dunham: Perfectly Unbalanced Tour
TicketsThu., Dec. 1, 7:30pm
It doesn't hurt Chris Cuomo's career that he was born with political blood, and it really doesn't hurt his female audience that he is very easy on the eyes. Finally there is a reason to watch 20/20 and pay attention to legal news. Keep talking about due process and I will just imagine you have no shirt on.
9. Larry Mowry
It's getting hot in here...
I never want to visit Dallas, but if I was forced to, at least I would have CBS 11's Chief Meteorologist Larry Mowry to look forward to. According to his bio, "...Larry enjoys jogging, lifting weights, music and traveling." As vague as this personality description sounds, as long as he's not listening to Nickelback while he lifts those weights, I'm fine with his desire to stay in shape.
8. Jason Jones
Jason Jones is freakin' adorable!
Obviously, we are using the term "anchorman" loosely here. I may get some flak for this, but I would take Jason Jones home with me over Jon Stewart any day of the week. He's got that mean, sarcastic thing going on that some girls find really attractive, like me.
7. Erik Barajas
Erik Barajas is the 4 p.m. newscaster for our very own KTRK13. When you Google his name, the second autopopulate phrase to come up is "Erik Barajas shirtless," so I certainly do not stand alone in putting him on my NILF list. 6. Pat Kiernan
Photo: Melissa Hom
I left New York City more than five years ago and of all the people I miss, Pat Kiernan, the morning anchor of NY1, is at the top of my list. Kiernan is one of those guys who grows on you due to his deadpan humor (check out patspapers.com) and slick smile. Snarky equals sexy.
5. Bill Hemmer
Good looks know no partisanship. Bill Hemmer is currently co-anchor of Fox News Channel's (FNC) America's Newsroom. He may be a little right-leaning, but that can be a good thing, if you catch my drift.
4. Josh Elliott
Josh Elliott was a commentator for ESPN for a number of years until he left to join the "real" news team atGood Morning America
in 2011. He is the type of guy that's not afraid to wear his kinkajou poop on his sleeve.
3. Ari Melber
Ari Melber may be a bit on the nerdy side, but isn't nerd the new hot, or some other catchy media slogan?
2. Owen Conflenti
Rounding out at number two on the list is Houston's very own Owen Conflenti. Conflenti's got the kind of a face that if you brought him home, your mother would want to pinch him, but then she would pull you aside after dinner and wink at you creepily, which would mean, "way to score." I imagine Conflenti has a lot of old Houston gals winking at him on a regular basis.
1. Brian Williams
I heart you.
You know those lists you make with your significant other where if by some off chance you should meet your dream celebrity and if by an even more bizarre twist of fate that celebrity wanted to make out with you, you are allowed to without any repercussions because you put their name on this legally binding list? Brian Williams is number one on my list. But I would insist that he slow jam my name.
Catch Anchorman at Market Square Wednesday, September 19, at 7:30 p.m. Free. For more information, visit drafthouse.com.
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