10 Best Five Nights at Freddy's Items on Etsy

I can honestly say I've never seen anything like the Five Night's at Freddy's series of games. The horror survival games are ridiculously simple and yet murderously difficult. A minimalist approach to storytelling has left a trail of amazing theories about the mythology in its wake. That's not to mention the fact that it's the product of Scott Cawthon, a man who left a career making religious video games to redefine horror in gaming by releasing two groundbreaking, critically and popularly acclaimed titles less than a year apart, with a third on the way. It's incredible.

Honestly, I shouldn't have been surprised that my favorite craft lunatics on Etsy should also have been caught up in Freddy Fazbear's madness. So let's look at some of the ways you can celebrate the game in unofficial swag!

Five Nights at Freddy's hasn't been rated by the ESRB, but I feel pretty confident that despite the lack of gore, sex or foul language. it's probably not the sort of game I'd let an eight-year-old play. But hey, that's just me. If you happen to be the proud parent of a child wise in the ways of outwitting homicidal animatronics and he or she has a birthday coming up, then Happy Digital Prints has you covered for invitations. You can also talk to Festive Cupboards for Freddy Fazbear cups and snack packs. I'm not sure people remember that part of the backstory of this game is that a bunch of kids were murdered and probably stuffed into character costumes.

Made right here in Texas are these handcrafted tissue box covers bearing the leering face of Freddy Fazbear. They're made of yarn and plastic and generally fit most square tissue boxes. I can't wait to have one sitting next to me the next time I'm delirious from cold medicine and a fever so I can convince myself it's moving when I'm not looking.

These 10"x13" throw pillows emblazoned with the haunted, screaming faces of the animatronics are handmade by Heather at Rae's Stuffz. I'm not sure exactly what having them on a bed says about you, but if you're like me and you prefer your kids to stay in their own beds so you can sleep without getting kicked, then I imagine they are a solid investment.

Honestly, I love this clock by Noa and Janus Esclair. The art is both bright and disturbing, and at $25, it's very reasonably priced. More than that, the genius of creating a timepiece to stare at based on a game where a slow clock is your enemy is just exceptional.

I see what you guys did there. Although if I remember right, what the Fox said in this case was "EEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Then there was the sound of me changing my underwear, but that's an onomatopoeia beyond my skill.

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Custom Chuck Taylors are like black leather jackets; they will never, ever not be a sign of being cool as hell. The idea of wearing Freddy, Bonnie and Chica on your shoes while playing a game where you're silently screaming for the ability to run away is just an extra bit of cheese for your pizza.

Popular theory holds that the puppet that appeared in Five Nights at Freddy's 2 is possessed by the vengeful soul of a murdered child who was the victim of the mysterious Purple Man. Who wouldn't want to cuddle that close to you in the darkness as you sleep defenseless? Whitney McDonell has you covered with a 14" fully poseable felt snuggle friend. McDonell also says that she's selling it because it's starting to disturb people in her home...I can name at least four horror movies off the top of my head that have this exact same premise.

Speaking of the Purple Man, I want to give a huge shout-out to Chris Oz Fulton for a print he is selling of the most mysterious character in the series. The Purple Man appears only in the Death minigames...OR DOES HE? It's nice to give a better face to him than the Atari 2600 graphics in the mini-games.

Okay, either the people making this stuff don't really get the game or they get the game way, way too well. Here's a Chica hat that you can stuff your head into, just like what happens to you if you lose the game, resulting in your death as you're chewed up by the exoskeletons within. Made of felt and comes in sizes from newborn to adult.

Let's leave off with $20 worth of clay and terror from Moodle Market. Pictured is a sculpture of the Mangle, a puppet sentenced to being taken apart by children every day as a puzzle attraction. It works as the perfect paperweight to keep people from ever wanting to touch anything on your desk. Simple, small and yet still capable of making people scream. Nothing sums up Five Nights at Freddy's better.

Jef has a new story, a tale of mad robot nurses and a man of miracles called "Sleepers, Wake!" available now. You can also connect with him on Facebook.


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