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10 Things We Miss About Going Back to School

Very few products were as versatile as Elmer's. Lunch, snack, bonding agent...
Very few products were as versatile as Elmer's. Lunch, snack, bonding agent...

Today is the first day of school for many kids in the area, who no doubt spent all last night fretting over making new friends, being separated from old ones, the horrors of this semester's classes, and wondering what their teacher is going to look like this year. That's a Van Halen reference, you guys.

Each year at about this time I start remembering that first day of school after summer vacation. Well, it really starts a few weeks before when you realize that the days of ordering pizza and making prank calls all day are coming to an end and it's back to the daily grinding adolescent soap opera that was school from kindergarten to senior year.

You took a few trips to the store for school supplies with Mom, and a few more to the mall or the nearest embarrassing clothing outlet for new shoes and clothes for the coming year. Picking out that outfit for the first day was worst, on top of all the usual peer pressure.

I only went to private school for a few of my formative years before I decided to save my folks some cash and jump into the wild world of secular learning, or really to just stop learning Creationism. Luckily I had a profane enough vocabulary to fit in with the new crowd in third grade so I didn't stick out too shitting bad, you mother bitches.

I picked out ten things that we actually miss about going back to school or really just the hallmarks of a public school education, from the food, the glue, the romantic charades and the Lisa Frank.

10. Trapper Keepers

Did these things really last all year, or were they just status items, like Nikes and pencils with your name printed on them? Personally, I preferred the zippered jobs to these Velcro wonders.

10 Things We Miss About Going Back to School


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