6 Types of Cars No One Wants to See on a Houston Freeway
If you see one of the following approaching you, you'll wish you hadn't.
Houston's roads are considered by many to be among the most dangerous in the country, and that's due to a large number of "bad drivers" using them. Heading out on one of our freeways can feel scary for many reasons, and plenty of Houston drivers seem eager to show off their terrible driving skills, but all too often we'll encounter someone who is going the extra mile at being a complete jackass on the road. Here are a few of the drivers the rest of us just want to avoid completely.
6. The Psychotic Road Weaving Mobile.
We've all seen this jerk. He's the guy driving his car too fast, and weaving through traffic like the other cars aren't on the road. He'll cut in front of you as he crosses six lanes without signaling, before abruptly shooting back to the side he came from. He's driving at least 30 miles faster than everyone else, who are all hoping that his inevitable fiery demise doesn't occur right in front of their car, taking them to Hell with him. As per usual, there's not a cop to be seen, because they're all hanging out underneath the freeway looking for expired inspection stickers on cars using the U-turn.
5. The Art Car That Might Self-Destruct.
Houston's Art Car Parade and it's museum is a cool part of the local cultural landscape, and it's usually fun to see someone driving one of those rolling pieces of art down the street. However, encountering the same car on a busy freeway can be a harrowing experience, leaving other drivers hoping that whatever type of glue was used to secure hundreds of pieces of broken mirrors, old Barbie dolls, and other decorations is extremely strong. No one wants to get hit with a hood ornament made from an ancient lamp if it should suddenly break off and go hurtling into traffic. Fortunately, these types of encounters are rare, unlike...
The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-Time (Touring)
TicketsTue., Jan. 24, 7:30pm
Super Comedy Bowl Explosion
TicketsWed., Feb. 1, 8:00pm
Love Jones, The Musical
TicketsThu., Feb. 2, 7:30pm
TicketsSat., Feb. 11, 7:00pm
HAYES GRIER & the boys present: Detour
TicketsMon., Feb. 13, 7:00pm
4. The Stubborn, Slow, Left Hand Lane Driver.
I don't like particularly like speeders, but let's face it - in Houston, most people go a few miles over the limit. It sucks for those of us who want to go the posted speed, but that's the way things are here. Speeding can be dangerous, no matter what ridiculous rationale the most lead footed amongst us would like to use, but driving twenty miles under the speed limit on the freeway isn't any safer. It's particularly dangerous when a person is so hard headed that they continue to drive slow in the fast lane, just to spite the speeders stacking up behind them. Anyone whose uncomfortable driving close to the speed limit should stick to city streets and not venture out into fast moving traffic like a defiant turtle set on a death-defying mission to slow everyone else down.
3. The Mountain-of-Junk-Jockey.
Anyone spending time driving the freeways around Houston has spotted this clown before. He's the guy in a pickup truck with a whole bunch of crap piled up unsecured in the bed. Maybe he runs a junkyard, maybe he just likes collecting pieces of machinery and old mattresses, who knows? One thing is certain, you don't want to be anywhere behind this dude, because it's just a matter of time until his overloaded vehicle hits a bump and the old air conditioner laying on top of his swaying pile of garbage goes flying and heads straight for your windshield. No straps are mighty enough to secure The Mountain-of-Junk-Jockey's towering assortment of garbage, as anyone whose ever wondered how part of a bed ended up blocking a lane of traffic, only to catch up with the obvious culprit a few miles further up the the road will know.
2. The "Plastered With Angry Stickers" Rager.
"Come And Take It". "Proud To Be Everything Liberals Hate". "Annoy A Conservative. Vote With Your Brain". There it is in front of you. A car so covered in bumper stickers that they might be the only things holding it together. There's no telling what it's original color was, since the vehicle is covered in "clever" witticisms broadcasting the driver's preferences and world view... Most of which seem hostile. You remember reading somewhere about a study showing a correlation between people who put lots of bumper stickers on their car and road rage, and hope the person in front of you isn't carrying a gun. Of course they are! There's a sticker on the tailgate saying you'll have to pry it from their cold dead hands, and another saying the driver is a "100% Genuine American Bitch". It's probably time to put some distance between your cars before you suffer eye strain from reading and crash into a wall.
1. The Veteran Of a 1000 Freeway Wars.
There you are, minding your own business, just driving along thinking about what to make for dinner, when you see it:
A car rapidly approaching from behind that looks like an escapee from a Mad Max film or a destruction derby. Not a single surface is dent-free, and it's heading straight for you, like a beat up shark looking for a meal, or in the case of this uber-beater, an unblemished vehicle to slam into. How it's still functional with half the grill torn away is a mystery, but roll on it does; a crumpled testament to terrible driving and the power of Bondo. Like all the other cars on this list, most people will be doing whatever they can to get out of the path of the rolling apocalypse quickly approaching them. Welcome to Houston.
Get the Theater Newsletter
Get a rundown of upcoming theater events and ticket deals in Houston.