It's official. The world has just jumped the shark. In an effort to remain relevant (?), Joey Lawrence of Blossom fame will be taking it all off for Chippendales at the Rio in Las Vegas. The actor will swing his thing around from June 7 through June 24, if you want to book a flight right now.
You may now file this under useless information that you didn't need to know anything about. Lawrence was always something of a ladies' man, even with the bad mullet. As of late, there have been pictures of him surfacing across the Internet looking shirtless and buff. He certainly has the right to be proud of his figure. That being said, stripping? Really, Joey Lawrence, don't you have better career moves to be making? Why not try and resurrect your singing career instead?
There are so many other washed-up '90s television heartthrobs that could use the work and need those dollar bills shoved into their G-strings.
Here are our top eight '90s TV stars we would rather see stripping than Joey Lawrence.
8. Jonathan Taylor Thomas
JTT, where are you? JTT was a huge hit with the tween crowd during his tenure at Home Improvement. Girls were just gaga over him, like dirty-talk-at-slumber-parties gaga. As of late, he hasn't been up to a whole heck of a lot, although there have been murmurs of a triumphant comeback. We say, give stripping a try! Show the world that there is so much more to you than just those baby blues.
7. Kevin Sorbo
Sorbo starred as the heroically sexy Hercules in the '90s television show of the same title. Sorbo was so hot he had his own action figure. Strippers always seem to come ready with a costume and character, which already gives Sorbo a leg up on the competition. He can just wear leftover costumes from the Hercules show that he most definitely still keeps in his closet. Plus, ladies who go to strip clubs tend to dig dudes with long, flowing hair.
6. Corin Nemec
Corin Nemec keeps trying to make a go at it in the biz, but he will never be able to shake his career-defining role as the wily, patterned shirt-wearing, "not a problem"-saying Parker Lewis. His stripper costume practically writes itself, nothing but a synchronized Swatch watch and whatever the good Lord gave him. 5. Ben Savage
Ben Savage may have had a wildly successful '90s sitcom, Boy Meets World, but he will forever be the younger brother of his more famous sibling Fred. Fred started acting and little bro Ben joined in. Fred played a neurotic teen on television, Ben played a neurotic teen on television. Guess what, Ben, there's something that your big brother never did: Strip for Chippendales. Get out of his shadow and into a thong. 4. Brian Austin Green
Brian Austin Green played the lovable nerd-turned-DJ-turned-rapper-turned-hip-hop-musician-turned-DJ David Silver on the '90s teen soap Beverly Hills 90210. Green hasn't done much careerwise, but has stayed in the current culture due to his unexplainable marriage to hottie Megan Fox. His and Fox's unmatched union is the reason we want to see him swinging around the stripper pole. We need to know what is going under his clothing that Fox finds so fetching. 3. Scott Wolf
Wolf played the troubled middle child Bailey Salinger on the melodramatic '90s show Party of Five. At the time of the show, Wolf was the cute, baby-faced brother to his older, bearded sibling Matthew Fox. Those dimples did nothing for Wolf's career; Fox went on to star in the ridiculously popular TV show Lost. Meanwhile, Wolf has done small parts in TV shows that you have no need to rewatch on Blu-ray. Wolf needs a break, and that break might as well be stripping for money. 2. Wil Wheaton
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Wheaton is best known for his role as Wesley on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Wheaton has had a very colorful career as an actor, writer, gamer, political activist and blogger. He's also a self-proclaimed geek who has embraced his Star Trek past. Can't you just picture him stripping out of that tight red Star Fleet uniform? You are welcome for that mental image. 1. Chuck Norris
Does Chuck Norris have any reason to take up stripping? No. Not only does he have plenty of money, but he remains as relevant today as he was during his days as Walker, Texas Ranger. Don't you just want to see Norris as the next Chippendales dancer, just because why not? We do too.