Annette Funicello and Other Boobs I Wish I Had
This week penned a very sad chapter in the book of awesome women who made their marks. First we lost the "Iron Lady," former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, who will go down in history as forever changing the face of her country's politics. And just hours later (so it seemed), the world lost original Mousketeer and crush of many young 1950s prepubescent boys Annette Funicello. Funicello was on the first Mickey Mouse Club from 1955-1957, but like so many other Mouse clubbies, she eventually grew out of her ears and went on to greener and sexier pastures.
Funicello became the "it" girl of the 1960s and was known for donning a bikini and doing the mashed potato in the sand in a series of beach-themed movies such as Pajama Beach Party and Muscle Beach Party.
The first time I saw Funicello in anything, it was much later in her career when she and her frequent co-star Frankie Avalon made a throwback movie called Back to the Beach, in which they sort of reprise their roles but as older people who do less hula-hooping. I recall very distinctly that the two made cameos on Full House that year to promote the movie because Lori Loughlin (who played Becky on Full House) was also in the flick. That's how they did multichannel marketing in the '80s!
I loved Back to the Beach, and it led to my love of the older "beach" movies starring Funicello, many of which were shown on Saturday afternoons around this time (more marketing for you). There was something so enthralling about the young Funicello. She was cheery, with a zip in her step and a glint in her eye. She could dance and sing and she didn't care that her feet were covered in sand. But I think the thing I loved about her most of all was how flawless her boobs were. Come on! There is no way I was the only preteen girl who crossed her fingers in hopes that one day she, too, would have wonderfully perky Annette Funicello boobs.
TicketsSat., Mar. 4, 8:00pm
Je'Caryous Johnson's "Married But Single Too"
TicketsFri., Mar. 10, 8:00pm
The Illusionists - Live From Broadway (Touring)
TicketsSat., Mar. 11, 4:00pm
The King and I (Touring)
TicketsTue., Mar. 14, 7:30pm
Brain Candy LIVE: Adam Savage & Michael Stevens
TicketsThu., Mar. 23, 8:00pm
Funicello's boobs definitely top my prepube list of "ladies whose breasts I aspire to have one day," but there were a few more.
5. Kelly LeBrock in Weird Science
Kelly LeBrock had undeniably perky breasts, especially in a ripped halter top. Plus, her character inWeird Science
was brought to life through the inspiration of a Barbie doll and to a ten-year-old girl, no one has a better chest than that chick.
4. Blair from Facts of Life
You take the good (her boobs), you take the bad (her huge '80s blond hair and personality and acting), you take them both and you still have her good boobs.
3. Samantha Fox
Even as a young girl, I realized that Samantha Fox was not a good influence, but I also knew she had some nice headlights.
2. All of the models in George Michael's "Freedom" video
In 1990 when this video was released, it was an astonishing curiosity to young women everywhere (or just the ones that I knew). There was one question on all preteens' minds: Did ladies whose jugs looked this good really all hang out together? Because if so, we all needed some new friends.
1. Paula Abdul
In the '80s, Paula Abdul had a little meat on her bones and it helped her in the chest area. I idolized Abdul back then; she could sing, dance and hang with a cat, and looked impeccably supported in an underwire bra.
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