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Awesomely Lame Halloween Costumes You Can Make At Home

A literal human centipede.
A literal human centipede.

If there is one holiday that we love here at the Houston Press, it's Halloween. Not just because it gives us a chance to vent our latent cross-dressing tendencies or release our inner, um, tarts. We also have the opportunity to help out our fellow man decide what to be for this fiendishly fun holiday. Not everyone has hundreds of dollars to shell out for costumes, and we show you how to make merry on the cheap.

2010 was a banner year for costume choices, with Jersey Shore and Avatar dominating the pop culture field. 2011 has been a great year for costume ideas as well. Versions of Rick Perry, (Zombie) Amy Winehouse, Casey Anthony, and yet again, Lady Gaga, will be walking the streets and bars in just a few weeks. Be careful, as not all of the Gagas and Winehouses will be Halloween costumes.

As has become custom here at the office, we brainstormed a few relatively simple and easy to replicate looks for this Halloween. These are costumes you can make with the things around your home or office, unless you work at a steel mill or Congress or something.

 

Astro Zombie
Awesomely Lame Halloween Costumes You Can Make At Home

Our lifeless Houston Astros managed to stick around this year to lose an astounding but not surprising 106 games.Though the young players added some excitement to the roster, each home game at Minute Maid Park was more of a wake than anything resembling a game. Show your disgust with the club by going as a zombie-fied ballplayer and hope one of the real Astros doesn't show up at your Halloween shindig.

Coupon Hoarder
Awesomely Lame Halloween Costumes You Can Make At Home

Just a few years ago, we cockily threw out all the coupons that came in the Sunday paper because we assumed we were too cool or busy to clip them and use them. What a difference a few bad economic periods can make. This isn't a costume as much as it is a slice of American life in 2011. Hey, can I have your extra Toaster Strudel coupon?

 

Chaz Bono
Awesomely Lame Halloween Costumes You Can Make At Home

Chaz Bono, formerly Chastity Bono, caused an uproar this year after the new he was announced as a contestant on this edition of Dancing With The Stars. Small-brained folk weren't sure what to make of a man who didn't feel comfortable in a woman's body, so they complained. Even still Bono, is still on the show (as of right now) and we think it's a bold and revolutionary move by this offspring of Sonny and Cher. Oh, that's not sweat, uh, it's dance water.

Pregoyncé (Pregant Beyoncé)
Awesomely Lame Halloween Costumes You Can Make At Home

When we all found out that Beyonce Knowles was with child this past summer, the world went into a frenzy. What would Lady B and daddy Jay-Z name their first child? Who would design its diapers? When you would the kid drop its first single? One of our own dressed up to get down as a preggo Beyonce in the "Single Ladies" video.

 

Rick Perry's Hair
Awesomely Lame Halloween Costumes You Can Make At Home

Texas governor Rick Perry injected some excitement into the field of GOP hopefuls clamoring to get the Republican nomination to go up against that evil Adolf Obama. Sadly, Perry is getting more attention for his contradictory statements than his proposed solutions. Well, at least he has awesome hair. Here, print our your own.

Human Centipede
Awesomely Lame Halloween Costumes You Can Make At Home

Our friend here heard that human centipedes would be a big hit this year for Halloween but he hasn't seen the movie by the same name, and the rock he has been staying under doesn't have Internet. Poor guy. He can always say that he was a really big fan of the 1998 children's flick A Bug's Life.

 

Dead Tree
Awesomely Lame Halloween Costumes You Can Make At Home

Reportedly, this year's drought has killed more trees than Hurricane Ike laid waste to in 2008. That's awfully sad. Our own Steve Jansen went to great lengths to get into character as a dead tree by not drinking water for the past six months. Let no one ever say modern journalists are afraid to get their hands dirty.

Wildfire
Awesomely Lame Halloween Costumes You Can Make At Home

With the drought this year came the wildfires, which destroyed thousands of acres of Central Texas forests and choked the skies with smoke and ash. These evil, bastard fires reduced homes and trees to blackened rubble. Here we see a wildfire in a publicity still from a recent pro wrestling tour through the Midwest.

Awesomely Lame Halloween Costumes You Can Make At Home

Of course, the dead trees will have their revenge on the wildfires, once God finally cleans out his heavenly inbox in the sky and sends Texas massive amounts of rain, because Rick Perry said so.

Not lame enough for you? Check out our previous posts:


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