It's spring break time again for students all across America. A time to sow your wild oats while you're still chained to a learning institution, to make bad decisions, waste money, and hope your father never sees that Girls Gone Wild clip.
Most adults with real jobs, families, and bills cannot cut out for the next few weeks to go to Cancun and eat whipped cream off a co-eds chest faster than anyone else to win a Corona shirt. For the precious few that can, we salute you and remind you that you're doing the Lord's work, and please send all your pictures to that email address I just texted you.
So for those of us stuck at work, or wherever you might be reading this, here is a list of spring break movies for most everyone in your life. You'd be surprised at how few spring break movies have been made, but you wouldn't be surprised that they're all mostly awful.
For Your Sleazy Uncle Who Never Got Married: Spring Break
For Your American Idol-Addicted Mother: From Justin To Kelly
For Your Drunken Aunt: Spring Breakdown
For Your Horny Little Brother: National Lampoon's Spring Break
For Your IT Dude: Revenge Of The Nerds II: Nerds In Paradise
For The Drunk Girl At The Party: The Real Cancun
For Your Lowrider Mechanic: Latin Spring Break
For Your Canadian Best Friend: Degrassi Spring Break
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For Your Hooters Hostess: Malibu Spring Break
For Your Friend Chief Martin Brody: Spring Break Shark Attack