Buy Your Bike Bods Here

Ladies, you ever check out those bike messengers you see downtown? You know, the ones with the streetwise, hip, emo-meets-jock vibe? They've got the shorts, the lean, muscular frame and the grin. You ever want to meet one? No sweat. Tyrone Davis can hook you up with a date. But it's gonna cost ya.

Today, Davis and his fellow downtown bike messengers will auction themselves off for dates — for a good cause, of course — at the Couriers Ball. What's the good cause? Bike messengers. "The bike messenger association was formed so that we could tackle issues like health care, job security…and fair wages," says Davis. "And to do that, it's gonna take lawyers, and lawyers want money." The Houston bike messengers hope to have an association that mirrors NYC's bike messenger union. "But it doesn't end there," says Davis. "We want to be recognized as professionals. And we want to be involved in the community. Most people only see us when we're on their way downtown, or when we're heckling people in traffic. We want to change that."

Today's event will definitely get these dudes involved. Folks can bid for a date with each courier, starting at a mere ten bucks. "We're keeping it innocent; it's just dates," says Davis, who adds that there'll be no creepy bike messengers at the event. "You got some of these off-kilter guys that I wouldn't trust with a nun," he says. "They're not invited." Davis expects the prices to go up for the more studly messengers. "Some of these guys I've seen the downtown girls eye-fuck will get up to 50 bucks."

Once the messengers are auctioned off, it's the Gold Sprints, where the messengers race two at a time on stationary bikes. The winning bikers get gift certificates for food and entertainment (including a burlesque show), to be used on their dates. The better the performance, the better the date prize. "The ugliest guy could be the best sprinter, so your $10 could get you dinner," says Davis. "Or you could spend $50 on the auction for a stud, but wind up with ice cream for two at Amy's Ice Cream."

Once that's over, the Gold Sprints will open up to spectators, who can compete for a bike frame and other prizes. Local punk band Focusyn and DJs including T. Rockspin, Dick Almighty, Dunnock, Wes Alloy and Jesse will provide entertainment.

Davis thinks the courier action — especially the auction — will provide plenty of entertainment and eye candy. "We're thinking all these beautiful secretaries we've had our eyes on downtown will show up," says Davis, who's also up for bidding. How much does he think he can score? "I hope I'll go for at least 35 bucks," he says. "If not, well, I'm a hell of a sprinter."

Doors open at 5 p.m. Auction begins at 8:30 p.m.
Sun., March 26


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