Miracle on 34th Street Unfortunately, the Texas Repertory Theatre Co.'s production of Miracle on 34th Street is not the sort of Christmas miracle anybody dreams of. The story, about a man named Kris Kringle (Steven Fenley) who believes he really is Santa Claus, has been adapted from a charming screenplay by George Seaton. Most of us have seen the 1947 film starring a cherubic Natalie Wood as Susan Walker, the too-wise child who doesn't believe in Santa. Texas Repertory has its very own lovely cherub in the form of Alana Johnson. But the good things about this show stop with her. Everything else simply doesn't work as a theatrical piece. In the first place, the adaptation is too dependent on a narrator, Fred Gailey (Matt Wade), who must drag the story forward in between scenes explaining all that's been left out. Then there are the multiple set changes. Designer Jesse Dreikosen has worked hard to make them as minimal as possible, but that doesn't stop time from slowing to a crawl every time an actor has to literally drag a set piece across the stage — this is even worse when the actor is a child and we must watch her bending her little body forward with exertion. Even weirder are all the anachronistic moments. The characters talk on cell phones and work on computers, but the "shrink" in the office who tries to get Kris put away would be laughed out of any 21st-century courtroom. And when the characters talk about ending a feud between Macy's Department Store and Gimbels (a store that closed its doors in the '80s), the conversation is just odd. Finally, the story simply feels old — and not in a good way, but a tired way. I was surprised to look at my watch at the end and discover that the whole thing took only two hours. Through December 23.14243 Stuebner Airline, 281-583-7573. — LW
The Nerd Actor L. Robert Westeen was born at least 40 years too late. In another life he would have had steady employment at RKO, MGM or Paramount Pictures. As befuddled and exasperated Willum Cubbert in Larry Shue's 1987 sitcom The Nerd, Westeen does frustration like the best of the old pros. In the play, Willum has agreed to meet the former soldier who saved his life many years ago. The trouble is, Rick Steadman (David Barron) is a real pain in the butt, annoying and whiny. He pushes his way into Willum's professional and personal life with a big, bad thud. Willum's much too nice and guilty to throw him out, until Rick's shenanigans — which include airborne cottage cheese — cost him his job. That's when Willum's sometime fiancée (Ruth McCleskey) and best friend (John Wind) conspire to drive Rick permanently away. Shue's comedy is a low-rent Man Who Came to Dinner without that beloved 1939 classic's caustic wit and acidic charm. There are plenty of laughs, however, thanks to Barron's maddening single-mindedness and Wind's snarky line readings, which recall another old movie pro, George Sanders. But it's Westeen who supplies this clunky comedy with the smoothness of a Ferrari playing his everyman driven to distraction and thoughts of crossbows. His double takes are perfection, and his slow burn should be patented. As he has displayed in his other Company OnStage roles, he is a hidden gem among Houston actors. Through December 19. 536 Westbury Square, 713-726-1219. — DLG
