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Carnival...Of Sorts

Carnival...Of Sorts

If I was ever planning on taking a cruise again (and I'm not), I'd have serious doubts about buying tickets on any Carnival ship:

Thousands of passengers on a towed cruise ship will disembark in San Diego, California, Thursday with their own tales from a three-day ordeal that left them without air conditioning and hot showers. Their diet became Spam and Pop Tarts rather than steak and chocolate mousse.

And while Carnival Cruise Lines said Wednesday that most passengers knew that the Carnival Splendor's crew was doing the best it could, there were reports of passengers pledging not to take up the company's offer of a free replacement trip.

The vessel, which became stranded Monday after an engine-room fire off the coast of Mexico, is expected to arrive early Thursday, Carnival Cruise Lines CEO Gerry Cahill said at a press conference. [...] "We've been in business for 35 years," said Cahill. "We've never had anything like this happen before."

Wait...what? Maybe Carnival hasn't had a ship disabled for four days before, but the cruise line sure as hell has had ships catch fire (the Ecstasy in 1998, the Tropicale in 1999, and the Celebration in 2000), catch disease (a "Norwalk virus"-like stomach bug on the Conquest in 2002), and the propulsion system screw-up that hit the Ecstasy on the Cozumel cruise my wife and I took in 2005, delaying our return to Galveston by almost a day. Worse than that, they didn't fix the problem before reboarding, and the ship ended up stranded (does that sound familiar?) off the coast of Mexico.

But it could have been worse. The beleaguered passengers on the Splendor could have been on one of these ill-fated cruise ships.

Antonia Graza -- Ghost Ship (2002)

Where else are you going to see a pre-Good Wife Juliana Margulies enter the spirit world with the help of a ghostly little girl? It's all very Ringu-esque, except not really scary.

MS St. Louis -- Voyage of the Damned (1976)

Think eating Pop Tarts and Spam is a hardship? Try being a Jew in WWII turned away by Cuba and the United States, then sent back to Europe where there was a 66% chance you'd end up dying in a concentration camp. Bet that bus ride back to Long Beach doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

RMS Titanic -- Titanic (1997)

I admit it: I cried at the end of this movie. My tears of joy at Leonardo DiCaprio's death simply would not be contained.

 

SS Poseidon -- The Poseidon Adventure (1972)

We all know the terrible, tragic consequences resulting from that rogue wave capsizing the Poseidon: Shelley Winters died, Gene Hackman died, and sweet little Pamela Sue Martin went on to pose nude in Playboy.

Argonautica -- Deep Rising (1998)

This is the best movie about mercenaries hired to rob a cruise ship infested with giant sea worms you're ever going to see. Plus, one of the victims gets pulled into a toilet by a giant tentacle, something you usually have to check out from the hentai section of your video store.


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