He was really always more rock star than comedian -- selling out huge venues, moving plenty of vinyl and inspiring devout fans who could sing (or, in this case, scream) along with his every word. That was especially true of the X-rated nursery rhymes that became almost mandatory for every high school male to memorize ("Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two-fifty. That fucking whore!"). But to others in the '80s and '90s, the leather-jacketed-and-pompadoured Andrew "Dice" Clay was a misogynistic, racist, homophobic New Yawk brute who saw comedy more as a form of assault than a cause for laughter. Clay maintained that the "Diceman" was merely a character ("I'm a family man in my personal life," the non-goy said on the Web site Something Jewish). And while his act would never have a chance if it debuted in today's ultra-PC times, the 2005-edition Diceman is attempting a comeback on a smaller scale. And he promises that time has not dulled his bite -- we'll forgive him for that ill-advised Bless This House sitcom -- or his rage. Show runs 8:30 p.m. Thursday, March 17; 8 p.m. Friday, March 18; and 8 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. Saturday, March 19. Laff Stop, 1952 West Gray. For tickets and information, call 713-524-2333 or visit www.laffstop.com. $45. - Bob Ruggiero
Siam I Am
Sing along with the Powers that be in The King and I
There's something about 19th-century Siam that just makes you wish you lived there. Come on, everyone wore fancy gold hats and bright silk outfits and danced around with fans. And all the children sang happy little songs about getting to know each other. At least this is the Siam of Rodgers and Hammerstein's The King and I, opening this weekend at the Hobby Center. It tells the story of a widowed Englishwoman, Anna, who travels to Siam, hoop skirts in tow, to be the governess of the king's many children. After initially thinking the king's an arrogant prick (though she conveys this with subtler language), she grows to love him. Prime-time '80s TV star Stefanie Powers stars as Anna; whistle a happy tune with her at 8 p.m. Thursday, March 17. 800 Bagby. For tickets, showtimes and information, call 713-558-8887 or visit www.tuts.com. $27 to $72. - Julia Ramey
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It's not often music fans hear a sitar and a harpsichord in one song, but that's the charm of the post-grunge band Vanished. The quartet, which attracts the kids with its brand of dark pop, gained momentum with the release of Favorite Scar in 2004 and continues to land on alt-rock stations all over the country. This pack of pretty boys (give 'em credit for trying not to be so pretty) will be in town this week for The Texas Buzz with host Zakk United at the Scout Bar. 11 p.m. Sunday, March 20. 18307 Egret Bay Boulevard. For information, call 281-335-0002 or visit www.scoutbar.com. Free. - Amanda Orr
One Hot Night
We're eager to check out "Noche Caliente" at Miller Outdoor Theatre, given that the show's in March, and not, say, July. Things will get steamy when Caliente -- voted Best Latin Band last year by the Press -- takes the stage. The group opens for international salsa songstress Brenda K. Starr, so turn up the heat at 7:30 p.m. Saturday, March 19. 100 Concert Drive. For information, call 713-284-8350 or visit www.milleroutdoortheatre.com. Free. - Steven Devadanam