I picked up many bad habits during the decade I worked as a bartender: Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, eating junk food and watching La Femme Nikita, among others. But none are quite so shameful as my love for informercials. It's one thing to get home from work and force yourself to stay awake to see the end of a classic film on TCM, but it's another to grab a cup of coffee at 4 a.m. to make sure you don't miss the amazing "after" results of Heidi Klum's "In an Instant" skin care line.
I didn't say I'm proud of myself.
I've compiled a list of some of my very favorite fashion and beauty infomercials for you to enjoy, without having to stay up until 2 a.m. serving drunk people cheap draft beer and cleaning out ashtrays. You're welcome!
For those of us who can't find clothes with enough studs, faux-gemstones, or other sparkly embellishment.
Fashionable and machine washable. A Designer Snuggie greatly improves your chances of needing the Snuggie Sutra guide to Snuggie sex. Who wants to have sex with someone in a regular old Snuggie, anyway?
Lightweight and indestructible, the Aluma Wallet is perfect for those of us who regularly run our wallets under water or run them over with our cars.
The Infinity Dress
Finally! Ladies no longer need to sew long black strings onto yards and yards of drape-y fabric to make their own wonky, convertible clothing. With the Infinity Dress, women emerge from the Dark Ages of fashion.
If you've ever wished you could wear high heels with your sweatpants, Pajama Jeans are for you.
Nails in Motion: Tip Tops
I can think of at least three things I can't do while wearing Tip Tops. How about you?
Insert your own Snookie and/or Sarah Palin jokes *here*
WEN by Chaz Dean
Twirl it, twirl it, twirl it! Twirl, twirl, twirl, twirl, twirl ...
Great Hair Day by Joan Rivers
How awesome is Joan Rivers? So awesome. Great Hair Day is like eyeshadow for your scalp. Revolutionary.
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Bare Minerals by Bare Escentuals
This is the mother of all infomercial beauty products. Bare Minerals went beyond infomercial territory and into the mainstream. This mineral makeup has not only spawned other infomercial mineral makeup lines, but inspired major cosmetics companies to up the ante and create (or vastly improve) their own mineral makeup lines. In fact, I am a user of Bare Minerals--or at least I was before I moved to Houston, where all makeup melts off of ones face within 30 seconds of walking outside.