SUN 6/13 Foooooood fiiiight! It's a battle cry like no other, a call to arms for tomato chucking and under-the-table ducking. It's a lunchroom dream, a chance to douse your friends in mayo and cream. It's a beautiful, mush-ridden mess. It's a guaranteed trip to detention. It's a freakin' food fight.
There's a big-time food fight going down this weekend in south Houston. Artist Franco Tijera is the man with the messy plan. This is the fifth event hosted by him and his crew, the Food Fight Lunch Mob. "We're getting pretty good turnouts," he says, "because we get some crazy fuckers that want to come out to these things."
The idea came to Tijera and his buddies one evening at Tio Pepe. "We had a little bit too much sangria and we started throwing food at each other," he says. Tijera took more than queso stains with him, 'cause now he's all over town preaching the gospel. And people seem to be following this messiah of mush. "We're averaging, like, 150 people," he says.
If you want to join the Lunch Mob, bring a midsize ice chest full of soft grub -- no spices, meats or lard allowed -- and get ready to get messy. As you arrive, you'll see Tijera greeting fighters with his bullhorn (no doubt already being pummeled with slop). Then comes his command: "I want you to turn to the person next to you, shake their hand, give them a hug -- now bomb the fuck out of 'em." And you can guess what happens next. Noon. Sunday, June 13. The Reef, 4800 Schurmier. For information, call 713-478-3482 or visit www.foodfightlunchmob.com. $6.50 admission to the park. -- Keith Plocek
On the Road
If you live near U.S. 59 and Montrose, the last few months have been like living in a war zone. But soon, a phoenix of hope will rise out of the rubble. While closed for renovations, Lawndale Art Center will take over a billboard on the northeast corner of 59 and Montrose. Supporting statewide talent, Lawndale has lined up six billboard works made by Texas artists. The first one up is a tongue-in-cheek statement about consumerism (i.e., expensive doorknobs) by Austin-based artist Ryan Molloy. Since traffic is notoriously sluggish in that part of town, drivers should have plenty of time to get the message. The billboard artworks will be on display from Monday, June 14, through November 28. For information, call 713-528-5858 or visit www.lawndaleartcenter.org. Free. -- Troy Schulze
David Sedaris has gone from Macy's Christmas elf to best-selling author of rock-star status. Now he routinely fills concert halls with his readings, many of which recount poignant and hilarious moments from his turbulent childhood. Tickets to see Sedaris read from his highly anticipated new collection of short stories, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, are free, but as of May 29, no longer available. But in outrageous David Blaine fashion, Sedaris will attempt to fill the parking lot in front of Brazos Bookstore by broadcasting the reading live in the store's parking lot, which should be teeming with fevered book groupies. Sedaris promises to sign any copies of Dress Your Family purchased at Brazos. Stake out your patch of concrete by 7 p.m. Wednesday, June 16. 2124 Bissonnet. For information, call 713-523-0701 or visit www.brazosbookstore.com. Free. -- Troy Schulze
Find the lost city of the Incas
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Machu Picchu has been a fascinating enigma since its discovery in 1911, from the peaks of its structures, which point directly to constellations, right down to its brilliantly rhythmic name. The Peruvian fortress city is worshiped by those who claim it's protected by aliens (something's protecting it -- every attempt at modernizing surrounding areas has been destroyed by nature). It's also a mecca for tourists, many of whom claim to feel no fatigue while climbing its mountainous steps. Now a new exhibit, "Machu Picchu: Unveiling the Mysteries of the Incas," is attempting to shed some light on the Incan creators of the fabled lost city, who mysteriously disappeared from the Andes in the 16th century. Get a glimpse of Incan history without leaving town when the exhibit opens on Friday, June 11. Through September 6. Houston Museum of Natural Science, One Hermann Circle Drive. For information, call 713-639-4629 or visit www.hmns.org. $5 to $9.50. -- Steven Devadanam
The Oscar-nominated, finger-snapping music sucks you into The Triplets of Belleville immediately. Dialogue gives way to a free-jazz soundtrack in this tour de farce from French-born director Sylvain Chomet. An international sensation, the disarming little film centers on a Tour de France rider who is kidnapped and taken to Belleville, a nondescript Ontario city magically transformed into a kind of Bizarro version of New York. Here, portly American tourists behave just how Europeans would expect them to. The film screens at 7 p.m. Friday, June 11. University of Houston-Clear Lake, Bayou Building, 2700 Bay Area Boulevard. For information, call 281-283-2560. $1. -- Greg Barr