Half Price Books Does Not Want Your Crappy Twilight Paperbacks

A few weeks ago the Internet was all a-titter about a photo taken at the Chicago-area record store Planet of Sound. The ungrammatically titled "DO NOT NEVER EVER Buy List" featured names like Melissa Etheridge and k.d. lang (sensing a pattern here) highlighted in blue along with other popular and lesser artists including Jessica Simpson, Whitney Houston, P.O.D., Boz Scaggs and Fuel. Most hilarious, though, was the 72-point pencil scrawl that simply read "STING". BUUUUUURN, Sting. Burn.

Well, fellow Press staffer Craig Hlavaty has stumbled across the literary equivalent. Check out this picture he shot last week at venerable Texas discount bookstore and end-of-the-month revenue source Half Price Books, Montrose location.

DO NOT WANT. (Click here for bigger, readable version.)
DO NOT WANT. (Click here for bigger, readable version.)
Photo by Craig Hlavaty

At first glance, I found the picture pretty funny, because Half Price Books (especially that location) is usually the first place I go for travel books, since they're typically single-use only and aren't worth the $18 (or more) sticker price in terms of ratio of return. Guess I'm not the only one, because there, with big blue arrows and three (!!!) exclamation points, travel guides are listed under books needed.

Other than that, the list of books needed is pretty short. The list of books not needed, however, is long and full of LULZ.

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5. Twilight Sorry, TwiHards. Half Price Books has moved on from Team Edward/Jacob to Hunger Games and Game of Thrones.

4. Political Biography, Poetry, Gender Studies Because the vast majority of us are barely staying sane as it is in the lead-up to November.

3. Bibles, Christian Fiction/Living Jesus Good grief, this is like having dinner with the in-laws. CAN'T WE JUST TALK ABOUT SOMETHING NICE?

2. Jodi Picoult and Every Other Hack Writer Listed at the Top Because basically all of their books are exactly the same, just with different character names. Once you've read one, you've read them all, right?

1. Charles Dickens Really? He's kind of in the canon. But I guess this is where every British lit student at UH is selling his textbooks. Maybe there will be a run on Industrial Age whimsy thanks to the hubbub over the London Olympics and Danny Boyle's Opening Ceremonies. Nah, probably not. But to paraphrase the man, if there were no bad authors, there would be no good books.


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