Happy Etsygiving: Your Guide to Pointless Holiday Craft
There are many holidays that warrant some quality, DIY craftiness. Easter is certainly the season to get your food dye on, the 4th of July, sure, sew yourself a red, white and blue scrunchie, and at Christmas time you are at free will to break out all the red and green glitter paint your heart desires. But aside from your standard, black construction paper Pilgrim hat, Thanksgiving doesn't compel us to arts and crafts it up. We just want to eat lots of food.
The heaven of DIYness, Etsy.com, feels very differently. If you Etsy, a "non-craft holiday" is not a phrase you comprehend. But what the hell type of craft can you make for Turkey Day involving a glue gun, some felt and dried flowers? Oh, plenty! Shuffling through the land of homemade, we came across some choice Thanksgiving items that you may need in order to properly celebrate. READ: the most pointless Etsy Thanksgiving products we could find.
Who can ever forget their Elementary School teacher lecturing on the humble beginnings of our great country? How the Pilgrims suffered for a year, tilling the dirt and constructing homes to shelter their families? Were it not, however, for the indigenous, fall harvest fairies, our forefathers may have never survived. The fall harvest fairies taught the Pilgrims about planting maize, hunting deer and, of course, how to use pixie dust. Fall / Thanksgiving Cloth Tutu
Listen, we love a good tutu as much as the next creepy person who enjoys little toddlers in tutus, but we draw the line on this one. In "theory" this adornment is picture perfect, in reality your baby just stepped off of a walk-on role in Clan of the Cave Bear.
It's not often that your unmentionables are hung on a clothes line in this day and age, so we understand the need to do something with clothespins, but Pilgrim Dolls? The product description reminds us that "These adorable dolls are a perfect holiday gift." And we remind you that if you gave these to anyone as a gift, even in lieu of a bottle of gas station wine or a last-minute Little Debbie's Pumpkin Delights, you would find your next year's Thanksgiving party invitation revoked.
This is something you can wear as jewelry. They are mini turkeys. We are at a loss. Thanksgiving Felt Mice Indians decoration ornament soft sculpture
When we think of Thanksgiving, the first animal that always comes to mind is a mouse. When we think about Native Americans, we think of mice too.
Did an orange, brain-sucking, alien life form attack your front door? No, it's my deco mesh fall, Thanksgiving, pumpkin wreath! Of course it is.
This is a really whimsical piece, filled with goodies that I have collected from estate sales. The girl is made from vintage pipe cleaner, an old ornament and an old spun cotton head. She is holding two black mushrooms with vintage tinsel surrounding them. She sits atop a glittered base that is inside a vintage, orange egg cup.
1. When sellers on Etsy call an item "whimsical," it is code for useless. 2. How can you date a pipe cleaner? 3. Why is she holding two black mushrooms? 4. Sometimes "whimsical" is code for drugs.
This item is a small glass medicine bottle, containing clippings from an antique book, glitter, a broken key and a piece of crystal. It is being called a "story" or conversation starter for your holiday table. We can only imagine the riveting conversation that it kicks off: Family Member: What is that bottle thing? Art Attack: Not sure, actually; got it on Etsy. FM: Why did you buy it? AA: It was $15 FM: You got ripped off. Can I have more stuffing?
We know what this is really for. Peace pipe... har har har. So, that's why you have had seven pieces of pumpkin pie.
Please, don't do this to your baby. Why would you do this? There is no way this turkey hat and/or cocoon is in the least bit comfortable or comforting. They are embarrassing, so if you were gunning for that, then we suppose you found just what you were searching for.
This is wrong on so many different levels.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Houston, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.