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Idol Beat: Can You Hear The Drums, Stefano?

We'll always have "Hello."
We'll always have "Hello."

In what is surely a testimonial to my following, someone obviously heard yesterday's plea to show some love for the rest of Aerosmtih's catalog (there was a "Sweet Emotion" sign in the audience at the Nokia). My people...you never disappoint.

In other news, what's the over/under on the number of right-wing blogs that will be up in arms today over Randy Jackson's "Space Invaders"-themed American flag t-shirt\? I say 50.

Stefano's ouster last night has to be viewed as something of a minor surprise. Certainly, the guy was more or less bivouacked in the Bottom 3 for the last six weeks, but I still thought his legions of devotees might carry him forward a few more rounds.

What would you call those people? Langonians? Stef-Heads? I guess it doesn't matter now.

But lets rewind a bit. Just when you thought you'd finally escaped that fuckingly ubiquitous Train song ("Hey Soul Sister"), there were Jacob, Lauren, Stefano and Haley to remind you of 2010 all over again. The Ford commercial was almost a relief after that.

Well, almost. I look forward to more of the car company's ideas for turning dry lake beds into verdant mountain ranges. I'm sure it will involve stubborn resistance to heightened fuel efficiency and still more truck recalls.

I'll say this for that... version of Coldplay's "Viva La Vida" by Casey, Scotty, and James; Scotty can't do footwork to save his life. He made Alex Van Halen in the "Hot for Teacher" video look like Rudolf Nureyev,

See, Nureyev was a ballet dancer, and...oh the hell with it.

 

Idol Beat: Can You Hear The Drums, Stefano?

Casey and Jacob were called forth next, and Jacob got to explain his screw-up again. He goes to Ze Stools, and conspiracy theorists across the interverse are no doubt wondering if the show's producers sabotaged the big guy's performance.

Oh goodie, David Cook (Season 7 winner, in case you'd forgotten, and of course you had) debuted his new single. Is it called "Sounds Like Ass"? Because that would at least be accurately descriptive.

I'm not being snarky, the guy's out of tune and off time. And he won three seasons ago. Adjust expectations accordingly.

There was a brief interlude to show the contestants going bowling and hit the spa, just like normal people. Haley and Stefano are good at bowling. Jacob's good at...spa-ing.

The dynamic bowling duo round out the rest of the bottom three, like I knew they would. Then, in what I guess is an attempt to reduce suspense, Seacrest sends Haley back to safety.

Next up we had Katy Perry, and...was that Kanye? Sweet merciful McGillicuddy, that may have been the worst song I've ever heard. "E.T." was it? I'd rather listen to amplified sounds of my own rectum being probed by aliens. Had I been Jacob or Stefano, I'd have volunteered to leave just to avoid sitting through that.

And so, Stefano goes home. Can't say it was a surprise, but at least we're evening out the girl: guy ratio. Because to do otherwise would just break J Lo's heart.


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