Just a Gigolo

SAT 3/15
In case you didn't know, Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty are not the same person. But they all end up with Prince Charming. Isn't that weird? It's up to you to explain this to your kids while they watch the same guy scheme his way from fairy kingdom to fairy kingdom, seducing princesses and breaking hearts in Disney on Ice: Princess Classics. The show features Disney's more memorable "princess" characters zigzagging around a revolving three-story castle with Charming in hot pursuit. He's a con artist, that Charming. He'll even disguise himself as a grotesque beast and traumatize a poor girl until she worships his ugliness. Then, off comes the costume and voilà! Just kidding, Beauty! The bastard. Luckily, Charming prefers European-style settings, so he hasn't yet invaded Jasmine's Persian paradise or Mulan's turbulent China. And as for Ariel, frankly, she freaks him out. 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, March 19, through Saturday, March 22, with additional shows at 11:30 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. on Saturday, March 22, and 1:30 p.m. and 5:30 p.m. on Sunday, March 23. Compaq Center, 10 East Greenway Plaza. For tickets, call 713-629-3700 or visit www.disneyonice.com. $12 to $35. -- Troy Schulze

Tricks Are for Kids
Chances are, your offspring are getting a little sick of Chuck E. Cheese's. That place is kind of creepy, anyway, with its automated stuffed animals playing musical instruments. Switch it up a little by toting them to Spellbinder's Variety Theatre, which puts on a weekly magic show for kids, featuring magicians, jugglers, ventriloquists and variety acts. If you get there early, the kids can see extra magic tricks and demand giraffes from the balloon artist. Not to be outdone by Mr. Cheese, the place even has pizza. 3 p.m. show; 2:30 p.m. tricks and balloons. 7620 Katy Freeway. For information, call 713-680-2800 or visit www.spellbinders.com. $5, free for children under two. -- Cathy Matusow

SAT 3/15
Nerd Alert
Are you worried that your kid's turning out to be a nerd? Maybe the little booger's just the creative type. To help him through his awkward period, head to the Orange Show's St. Patrick's Day Party. Artsy folks will be hot-gluing odds and ends together to create rolling trophies that will be handed out at the Art Car Parade in May. The whole family can watch a music-and-dance show by the Men of Houston Morris Dancers and get down to music by emcee PhD, DJ Ish and NTEX & the Electric Warlords. Then at school on Monday, if anybody messes with your kid, he can just say: "I bet you don't know who DJ Ish is, dork!" (Just make sure he leaves out the part about seeing the show with his parents). 1 p.m. trophy workshop; 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. party. Saturday, March 15. 2402 Munger Street. For information, call 713-926-6368 or visit www.orangeshow.org. Free. -- Cathy Matusow


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