So Art Attack was sitting in our lair practicing for an inevitable showdown with our arch nemesis when a press release from Fox came over the Internet announcing two upcoming animated Thanksgiving specials. One involved Ice Age, which may or may not be a fine set of films seeing as we've only watched scraps of them while sitting in the waiting room at the pediatrician. The second caught our eye, though, and we'll bet it catches yours, too.

Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown. Allah be merciful, what the hell is this crap?

We've been watching Charlie Brown specials all our lives. They're simple but awesome little bits of non-Disney animated goodness centered around basic childhood milestones like spelling bees and Easter with just a hint of Christian overtones. In other words, Charlie Brown animated specials are just about the most American thing we can think of, including the one that takes place in France.

You do not need to advertise Charlie Brown by tying a title in with the freakin' Beatles, okay? If there is anything more popular than the Beatles, it's either Santa Claus or Charlie Brown. Not to mention there are two specific problems with this naming convention.

1. Did you know that it's because of the Beatles that Vince Guaraldi, who wrote all the famous Charlie Brown music, doesn't have an Oscar? It's true. They beat him out in 1971 with the Let It Be soundtrack and didn't even bother to come pick up the statue. Well, we work in a sheet music store and we sell at least five copies of "Linus and Lucy" for every Beatles song combined, so we're going on record to say that Vince got gypped.

2. Of all the Beatles songs, why would you associate "Happiness Is a Warm Gun" with children? That song is about sex, murder or being addicted to morphine, depending on whether you're listening to the original song, Charles Manson explaining it, or watching Across the Universe. Strangely enough, switching "gun" to "blanket" doesn't seem to really change the context at all.

But fine, Fox. You ruin our childhood, we ruin yours right back. You want to name Charlie Brown specials after songs? Well, two can play at that game.

You know what's a real defining moment in your childhood? The moment someone explains to you that the Nazis built whole factories just to kill an entire group of people for pretty much no real reason...and that if you started counting those dead people the day you were born, you would die of old age long before you'd tallied them all. Yeah, that's a real defining moment.

So we figure the Peanuts gang could go to the Holocaust Museum and Linus could give one of his famous lectures, hopefully reducing all the children to such sadness and terror that they'll damn sure be on the lookout for that kind of thing in the future so it doesn't happen again. You thought Snoopy fought the Red Baron with gusto before? Let's see him take on the Luftwaffe.

Plus, we've always wanted to hear someone do a jazz piano album of Slayer tunes, and no, Tori Amos covering "Raining Blood" does not count.