Lindsay Lohan Posing for Playboy?: Yawn Dot Com and Whatnot (Semi-NSFW)

Last night TMZ reported that troubled sometime-actress-singer-model Lindsay Lohan had reached terms with Playboy to pose nude for an upcoming issue.

The headline aside, it's not like I'm not interested in seeing what wonders Hugh Hefner's camp will do to Miss Lohan's body with the miracle of Photoshop. And it's not as if I don't think she could still be attractive. Hell, her first few trips to the courthouse in Los Angeles she was a quasi-absolute bombshell, even if she wasn't the redhead I wanted her to be. I still think she's a beautiful woman, the whole brown teeth and bloody hands thing aside. Maybe she drinks too much coffee and was working in the garden of her...nah.

But the thing is, we've all seen Lohan nude before, and I am not just talking those famous tabloid side-boob and sans-panties shots that began appearing five or so years ago. She's done somewhat tasteful nude photography in the past. What's a spread in Playboy, which we aren't even sure will be fully nude, do for her now? Other than cement the sadness and stupidity of her present situation.

Remember Heidi Montag's Playboy pictures, which were touted as being "dirty" but were just glorified Maxim-style cheesecake photos? That could happen again.

TMZ's sources say that the Lohan shoot has already begun in an L.A. studio, and the issue date is still not determined.

Lindsay Lohan Posing for Playboy?: Yawn Dot Com and Whatnot (Semi-NSFW)
Photo By Bert Stern

Back in 2008, there was this New York Post shoot with Lohan posing as Marilyn Monroe, which managed to just show off that Lohan had way more freckles than we imagined, and that her Monroe fetish was just as bad as the one that Megan Fox was nursing at the time.

Lindsay Lohan Posing for Playboy?: Yawn Dot Com and Whatnot (Semi-NSFW)
Photo By Yu Tsai

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The next nude shoot came in late 2009 with Muse magazine and saw Lohan on video and in print cavorting in a black and white world with other druggie-looking minions. She was almost topless for the duration of the clips from the shoot, smoking a cigarette throughout.

Back in February there was a rumor of her taking up a few pages in a nude Terry Richardson book, but that never happened. Hell, Richardson probably tells all the girls that, though. A little over a year ago she was in "talks" to play porn star Linda Lovelace in a biopic called Inferno and was to go full frontal, but Lohan's life being what it was, it never panned out. Insurance companies are sorta worried about throwing good money after girls who may end up in jail.

Eight years ago, as Lohan's star was rising with films like Freaky Friday and Mean Girls, no one would have thought that almost a decade later she would be scrounging for excuses to stay out of jail and that a Playboy appearance would be anything more than a fanboy fantasy. She was the funny, voluptuous redhead that had actual comic timing and appealed to both sexes.

The thing is, a decade ago would you have thought that Robert Downey Jr. would be anchoring two major film franchises in Sherlock Holmes and Iron Man? Would he be one of Hollywood's greatest comeback stories? Nah, we all expected him to be dead. It was a parlor game, really.

But at least RDJr. seemed to be apologetic about being a junkie and wanted to be helped. Lohan just seems divisive and angry about what everyone else can see. Hollywood doesn't need Lindsay Lohan anymore since they replaced her with Emma Stone long ago, who doesn't seem to have a deathwish or a drug and alcohol problem. And Stone doesn't look like she would shank you for a bag of Walter White's famous blue meth at an awards party. For her part, Stone will likely get an Oscar nod for this year's hit The Help.

If one were to follow the track that Lohan was on in 2004, that is before the boys, drugs and booze, then by now she should already be either winning Oscars, helming her own film franchises or at least starring in critically acclaimed television roles. But nope, we gotta sit around and wait for her Playboy to come out and let social media eat her alive.


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