File this under Too Much Information: Lisa Lampanelli is afraid of her husband's nutsack. "It's freaking enormous and horrifying, "she tells Art Attack. "It's not as big as what a hobo ties on a stick and throws over his shoulder, but it's pretty close. Honestly, these freaking balls are disgusting, they're h-u-g-e!"
No doubt Lampanelli's husband is aware the size of his body parts is favorite fodder for his comedian wife. He can take solace in the fact that she's usually so focused on her self that she forgets to bring him up. While many comics joke about politics or the latest scandal in Hollywood. Lampanelli pretty much sticks to talking about herself.
"I'm so self-centered, I don't care about anybody else. I don't even know the president's wife's name - it ain't me, so what do I care? If I was married to the president, then I would care about him. Otherwise, eff him."
When she was just starting out, Lampanelli noticed that she was most comfortable talking to the audience, but that soon changed. "I really liked talking to the audience. Then I found out it was even better talking to them and not having them respond. Really, I don't want to hear about you, I want to hear about what I have to say about you."
There's always enough going on in her daily life for her to create new material. "Especially with these social networking things, like Twitter and Facebook, that piss you off. You're never at a loss of saying new stuff," she says. "I just make sure it's funny before I go on."
Lampanelli says a lot of the comedy business is just 'performing.' Somepeople can go on stage and say the same jokes over and over, but they do it so well, nobody minds. She admits she still loves old Don Rickles routines. "They haven't changed in 30 years, but theyr're still funny as hell. It's because it's him saying them."
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For her own act, Lampanelli mixes old and new material, going for a balance but almost always just does what's most comfortable. "It's like trying to make everybody happy, but in the end if I make myself happy and make myself laugh on stage, then I'm okay."
While having the reputation for having a mean act, Lampanelli has a friendly relationship with her fans. Or at least most of them.
"God, I just really hate people who try to be funny and aren't. I'm like, 'Really? I don't go into the operating room and try to cut out somebody's spleen so don't try to do what I do, A-hole doctor.' Trust me, I'm not saying comedy is like brain surgery, but it does take skill and art and a love for the audience that not everybody on the planet has. I'm sure it's that way for dancers, which is why they probably all hate Dancing with the Stars. There's no short cut; you can't learn it quick."
Lisa Lampanelli appears at Verizon Wireless Theatre on Saturday, April 30. For information, visit www.livenation.com. $39.75.