There are two kinds of people in America: those who believe that pro wrestling is real, and those who ridicule those who believe that pro wrestling is real. The latter tend to be a bit more educated; the former are damn good hunters. Each group has something to offer, but getting them together is nearly impossible. But anything can happen in Houston, right? Absolutely right, especially with the help of Doomsday Wrestling. Once a year, in the heart of Montrose, Doomsday stages a wrestling event that's part comedy and part pile-driving, chokeslamming chaos. It attracts ironic and nonironic spectators alike. Characters like Dyk-A-Tron (a lesbian from the future) and Boom Shakalaka (a kung fu spy, demolition expert and all-around badass) battle for top honors in seven rounds of mayhem. Two ringside announcers call the action. "For the wrestling purists, it has everything," says organizer Greg Vallot. "You'll see people crashing through tables, falling off the top rope and fighting through the audience." You'll also see three homeless people fighting over a sandwich and an all-girl hot-oil match. "It's all tasteless but funny at the same time," he says. At last, entertainment that unites the two Americas. There's hope for this great land yet. 9 p.m. Friday and Saturday, July 8 and 9. Helios, 411 Westheimer. For information, call 713-550-6567 or visit www.doomsdaytexas.com. $7 to $30. -- Mosi Secret
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It's been said that great football players are born, not bred. But if you're like the insane 'rents on Bravo's reality series Sports Kids Moms & Dads, you disagree. See if your young'un (age eight to 14) has a future in the pros at the Houston Texans Youth Football Camps. He or she will learn the fundamentals of offense, defense, tackling and kicking (and hopefully, how to choose the perfect Escalade). The lucky kiddos also will hang with a visiting Texans player and receive a camp jersey, team and individual photos, one free Texans preseason game ticket and four free Texans Training Camp tickets. 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Monday, July 11, through Friday, July 15. Houston Texans Training Facility, One Reliant Park. For registration and information, call 832-667-2082 or visit www.houstontexans.com. $230. -- Steven Devadanam