No, I Don't Know Who Farrah Abraham Is. Yes, I Will Probably Watch Her Sex Tape

One of the stars of MTV's Teen Mom has made a professionally produced pornographic film called Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom, available May 6. The film is a 70-minute hardcore outing featuring veteran male porn star James Deen, and Abraham netted more than a million dollars for her performance. Photos have already leaked online thanks to TMZ.

I have literally never heard of Farrah Abraham before today, and I have never watched a single episode of MTV's Teen Moms or 16 and Pregnant. I have no vested interest in this woman, her life, her work as an actress or a model, or really even the ability to pick her out of a line-up if that was for some reason necessary.

But I am probably going to watch her fuck somebody for more than an hour sometime next week, and I have no idea why.

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I have no real idea why I watched Miss Teen Delaware USA Melissa King perform 15 minutes of somewhat frigid doggystyle either a month or so back. Or why I immediately sought out clips of a hotel heiress I had never heard of when her private blowjob footage was released years ago launching Paris Hilton's career.

Why in a world where literally any kind of pornography a person could want to watch, from the purest vanilla to the outright illegal, is available for free and with ease do we find ourselves drawn to these specific incidences of rut? Sure, they're famous enough, but not so much that I'd ever considered any of these women before their sex tapes made them household names. King, Abraham, Hilton, and the rest are all certainly pretty, but so are the majority of professional porn actresses. Abraham is cute, but she's not Mika Tan cute.

One friend of mine suggested that it had something to do with a misogynistic desire to break down and demean women, to make them our whore. That's certainly a good theory, and if you want to argue against it I suggest you read the comment section of that TMZ slideshow I linked to. It's just chocked full of people astride very high horses masturbating with one hand and typing with the other.

Misplaced boner-rage is the bane of any modern gentleman because it is literally the worst aspect of maleness. Immature dolts see these young, pretty, successful, rich girls and actually get murderously mad at them because they now have erections and the source of them doesn't magically appear to appease them. It's an irrational, stupid emotion that lends itself well to be manifested in comments sections.

So when someone, especially a celebrity like Abraham who the self-righteous already get to look down on as undeserving of the golden fleece of fame, is suddenly available for a by-proxy bang fest these people pounce. They not only use the pictures and footage to appease lust, but also to assert dominance by degrading her appearance. "Hope she uses the money to fix her fuken nose," is a great example from that link's discussion on the matter.

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I don't think this is why I watch these videos, though. I don't hate my mother or have a problem with women, so I doubt I'm secretly working out a rape fantasy. I think it has more to do with connectivity.

Every news story I've seen about Abraham highlights her life as a young mother, the death of her boyfriend in an accident in 2009, and just overall her as a person. Granted, it's not always a warm picture of her, such as discussions about marketing the film as a leaked private video by trying to get Deen to pretend to be dating her. He declined with the comment, "I'm not a prostitute."

Still, that's what boobs disguised as news does. It humanizes an otherwise faceless existence, and actually caring about someone is something that aids arousal a great deal if you're not an asshole. It turns a sales pitch (Hey! Want to see this girl naked?) into a slightly more solid bond.

We tend to imagine celebrities as our buddies; otherwise US Weekly would never have sold all those Jen vs. Angie stories. When someone like Abraham is invited into our home through media appearances they become peripheral imaginary friends. Speaking for all straight men everywhere I can assure you than we have at least passingly imagined any female acquaintance we enjoy the company of naked at least once. I'm not talking about friend-zoning or other bullshit, just the musings of a healthy virile mind.

It works the other way, too. Follow a famous pornstar on Twitter or Facebook and you'll see hundreds of people trying to connect with them in ways that in no way involve their work in pornography. Fans seek to idealize the fact that Raven Alexis is a dedicated World of Warcraft player, or Sasha Grey's non-hardcore acting work. They are getting more enjoyment out of watching them have sex by adding context to the part of their lives that doesn't involve sex. It makes the experience, I don't know, consensual. Intimate even.

That tiny drop of intimacy stemming from media attention and low-level notoriety, for some reason, makes watching a girl get paid more money that I will ever make to have graphic sex on camera slightly better than other porn. Pathetic, isn't it, but it's the only reason I can think of why I'm going watch James Deen lay pipe in Farrah Abraham.

Want to connect with your favorite porn star? Check out our guide to the best ones on Twitter. And if you're reading, Farrah, take a look at 5 Strippers Who Did Just Fine.

Jef With One F is a recovering rock star taking it one day at a time. You can read about his adventures in The Bible Spelled Backwards or connect with him on Facebook.

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