Mikki Chernoff, a Playboy scout and part-time radio host, has become famous for her Mikki & Her Mates parties at Galveston's East Beach. For the uninitiated, at the events, the centerfold models of Chernoff's silicone-enhanced sorority harass hordes of dudes who'll do anything to get close to a pair of 34 DDs. Guys are subjected to goofy, humiliating -- but still somewhat naughty -- games involving items like whipped cream, bananas, Little Debbie cakes and, occasionally, a model's navel. The winner of all these shenanigans gets to hang with the ladies at a special party later that night at The Lounge (2410 Strand, 409-763-1000), where he'll clearly be the envy of every guy present. And believe it or not, said winner could actually hook up with one of Mikki's Mates. "So many guys in Houston think they'll score by telling a beautiful woman how much they make or how fancy their car is, and all we want to do is reach for the bucket to vomit in," says Chernoff. "All you have to be able to do, guys, is at least afford to pay for half the dinner, have a nice personality and confidence to go after something."
So get out there, guys. Need more incentive? One of the Mates, Kimberly Holland (Playboy's Miss October 2004), just broke up with her boyfriend and is "totally looking for a new guy," according to her boss. And Chernoff is quick to point out that her own most recent boy toy was just a guy in the audience, angling for a taste of whipped cream. 3 p.m. Saturday, September 3. 1923 Boddecker Drive in Galveston. For tickets and information, call 409-762-3278 or visit www.galveston.com/eastbeach. $7 (includes event admission and parking). -- Greg Barr
The Big Easy's Salty Dog
The blazing drive through traffic has really gotten to me by the time my bandmate Kent and I pull into the Big Easy Social & Pleasure Club (5731 Kirby, 713-523-9999). It's Monday, the only day this bar doesn't host a loud blues jam. Instead, it's jukebox appreciation night. We order a couple of salty dogs and peruse the legendary songs on the juke. A few stiff cocktails and several masterpieces by Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf and Lightnin' Hopkins later, I notice the only people appreciating the jukebox are the two guys putting money into it: me and Kent. The pool tables are free tonight, and the bartender never lets my glass get empty (wish I could say the same for my wallet). When we finally venture back outside, the crosstown chaos has subsided, and the temperature, as well as my temper, has cooled off.
3 ounces Seagram's gin
2 ounces grapefruit juice
Salt the rim of a highball glass. Fill with ice, gin and juice, then stir. You can chase away those big-city blues with this cocktail and some Lightnin' Hopkins. -- Jason Kerr
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Man of the House
L.A. DJ Jesse Saunders used to live in Chicago, where he helped build the foundation for Chicago house music in 1983 with his song "On and On." Along with NYC DJ Micro, the legendary Saunders will be manning the tables this Saturday at Club Ultra's Dance Extravaganza (if seven hours of dance music ain't extravagant, we don't know what is). Hometown house heroes including Chris Anderson of the renowned Matrix Crew, Maidai, Bruno Balarezo and others will also be on deck. Dress to sweat, as this house will definitely be rockin' all night. The extravaganza begins at 10 p.m. Saturday, September 3. 108 Main. For tickets, call 281-853-7216 or visit www.ultrahouston.com. $15 to $20. -- Travis Ritter
Scions and Science
If you're sick and tired of hitting NoDo in your beat-up, tired-out jalopy, your luck could change at NightFunctions' One Year Anniversary Party at Live Sports Cafe. Your admission gets you into a raffle for a new Scion XB (you know, those boxy things). Corporate bait tactics aside, the event features DJ T-Gray along with VJ Patrick Flanagan, who'll take you on an audio/visual ride as he syncs up videos to songs in his mix. Or, check out break-dancers Poetry-N-Motion and MCs Mendo, Jimmy Boi and Rob G., who'll be doing their thing out on the patio. 9 p.m. Saturday, September 3. 407 Main. For tickets, call 713-228-5483 or visit www.nightfunctions.com. $20. -- Travis Ritter