Pop Rocks: And the Razzie Goes to...

The industry's most coveted prize.
The industry's most coveted prize.

It truly is award season. Just as my colleague Pete pointed out in his Oscar predication list, I will also point out this fact. However, instead of writing about all of the celebratory moments worth honoring, for your consideration, here is my forecast for this year's Razzie Awards.

Yes, the 34th Annual Razzie Award nominations were released yesterday in order to recognize the worst in acting, directing and screenwriting in the film industry. The forerunner with eight nominations is the Adam Sandler vehicle Grown Ups 2. Following the sequel that could do no wrong, is the bizarre, celebrity-packed compilation flick Movie 43, which barely anyone saw and even fewer people liked. And just as the Razzies are wont to do, they have nominated a few "real actors," such as Johnny Depp for his role in the Lone Ranger and Naomi Watts for her turns in both Diana and Movie 43.

Watts isn't alone in the double-awful category, Halle Berry is nominated for Movie 43 and The Call, and Sly Stallone is nominated for basically every movie he was in this past year.

WORST PICTURE After Earth Grown Ups 2 The Lone Ranger A Madea Christmas Movie 43

And the Razzie goes to...

I have to go with my gut on this one and give it to

Movie 43

. No one liked this movie, even the people who made it possible. Elizabeth Weitzman of

New York Daily News

is quoted with saying, "As a film critic, I've seen nearly 4,000 movies over the last fifteen years. Right now, I can't think of one worse than "Movie 43." Give it a Razzie!

WORST ACTOR Johnny Depp, The Lone Ranger Ashton Kutcher, Jobs Adam Sandler, Grown Ups 2 Jaden Smith, After Earth Sylvester Stallone, Bullet to the Head / Escape Plan / Grudge Match

And the Razzie goes to...

While some may cruelly want to see this award go to the young Master Smith due to pure and unadulterated evil towards a child, the award will go to Johnny Depp. Depp is usually known as a serious and respected actor, but as of late he's been going down the Al Pacino road of over-the-top "whoowaaing." A nice Razzie will knock Depp down a peg.

WORST ACTRESS Halle Berry, The Call / Movie 43 Selena Gomez, Getaway Lindsay Lohan, The Canyons Tyler Perry (as Madea), A Madea Christmas Naomi Watts, Diana / Movie 43

And the Razzie goes to...

The award should go to Lindsay Lohan for acting poorly even when the most difficult aspect of her character was to take her clothing off. Halle Berry should also take home the prize for winning an Oscar and then completely forgetting everything she learned in acting school, but she's a previous Razzie winner for her role in


and the virtuous Razzie academy doesn't often like to re-award. This leaves Tyler Perry as Madea because that would just be hilarious if a man won the worst actress while dressing in drag. This may cause a ruckus on a lot of feminist blogs though.


Chris Brown,

Battle of the Year

Larry the Cable Guy,

A Madea Christmas

Taylor Lautner,

Grown Ups 2

Will Smith,

After Earth

Nick Swardson,

Grown Ups 2 / A Haunted House

And the Razzie goes to...

There is no competition here, the award will go to Will Smith for the sole purpose of pitting he and his son against each other.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS Salma Hayek, Grown Ups 2 Katherine Heigl, The Big Wedding Kim Kardashian, Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor Lady Gaga, Machete Kills Lindsay Lohan, InAPPropriate Comedy / Scary Movie 5

And the Razzie goes to...

I would like this award to go to Kim Kardashian due to my own hatred of her, but I don't want my personal distaste for the "actress" to cloud my judgment. Most likely the Razzie will go to Salma Hayek because

Grown Ups 2

needs to win a few awards at least.

WORST SCREEN COMBO Entire Cast, Grown Ups 2 Entire Cast, Movie 43 Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen, Scary Movie 5 Tyler Perry and Either Larry the Cable Guy or That Worn Out Wig and Dress, A Madea Christmas Jaden Smith and Will Smith on Planet Nepotism, After Earth

And the Razzie goes to...

This category, which was chosen by the general public through the website Rotten Tomatoes, is a complete draw between the entire cast of

Grown Ups 2

and the entire cast of

Movie 43

, but neither will take the award home. Both of those movies have large casts of actors and actresses that wouldn't waste their time showing up, regardless of their good senses of humor. Given this, the award will go to Lohan and Sheen because: 1. They will show up. 2. They will be wasted and everyone wants to see that and 3. They will make out on stage even though it is unnecessary nor related to the movie.

 WORST PREQUEL, REMAKE, RIP-OFF OR SEQUELGrown Ups 2 The Hangover Part III The Lone Ranger Scary Movie 5 The Smurfs 2

And the Razzie goes to...

Grown Ups 2

will take this one in a heartbeat. No contest.

WORST DIRECTOR Dennis Dugan, Grown Ups 2 Tyler Perry, A Madea Christmas / Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor M. Night Shyamalan, After Earth Elizabeth Banks, Steven Brill, Steve Carr, Rusty Cundieff, James Duffy, Griffin Dunne, Peter Farrelly, Patrik Forsberg, Will Graham, James Gunn, Bob Odenkirk, Brett Ratner, Jonathan van Tulleken, Movie 43 Gore Verbinski, The Lone Ranger

And the Razzie goes to...

Again, while it would be good times corralling all of the terrible directors that made

Movie 43

possible, there's just too many of them and Griffin Dunne has better places to be. No, this Razzie will go to M. Night Shyamalan as the entire industry hopes that for the love of God, please, someone stop financing this guy's movies, and perhaps giving him a Razzie will do the trick. Please!

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