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Pop Rocks: Chaz Bono Is Nowhere Near the Most Offensive Contestant on DWTS

Worse than her? Really?
Worse than her? Really?

As someone who doesn't watch Dancing with the Stars (note to self: watch DWTS for upcoming "Sight Unseen" blog), I'm not sure if I'm supposed to care about the announcement that Chaz Bono was added to the cast:

Transgender activist Chaz Bono is speaking out for the first time against critics who say he should not be allowed to compete in the upcoming season of ABC reality show "Dancing With the Stars."

"It's made me realize I'm really glad I'm doing this, because America really needs to see this," Bono told ABC News yesterday. [...] His selection by the show's producers to be among the cast of 12 celebrities set to appear on the hit show's 13th season, and his partnering with a female dancer, have grabbed headlines and drawn the high-intensity ire of some "Dancing" fans and conservative media groups.

More shocking, I think, than the casting of a transgender person is the revelation the show is going on its 13th season. Jesus Jones, people...no wonder the Tierra del Fuegans hate us.

I'll skip the usual -- and correct -- questions of "Who gives a frog's fat ass if they put a transgender person on DWTS?" or what the problem is that Bono is "partnered with a female dancer?" or who exactly these conservative media groups are.

Actually, we know that last one. They're organizations like One Million Moms, whose apparent fear is that "the children" will be exposed to Bono's terrible secret (he was born a woman!). How these same children will find that out without their parents explaining it to them remains a mystery, but this is obviously a more pressing issue than worrying about "DL" pastors like Ted Haggard or the Catholic Church's penchant for covering up sexual abuse.

Some longtime Dancing fans are also irate, though the mere fact they're "longtime" fans of the show ought to render their opinions moot.

I don't give a shit if Chaz Bono is on Dancing with the Stars. I'm sorry he was so uncomfortable in his own skin he had to have surgery to set matters right (as much as that's possible for someone I've never met and have no personal connection to), but in terms of unpleasantness, he's far from the most offensive person on the show this season.

Who's worse? Glad you asked.

Rob Kardashian Why They're a "Star": His sister is famous for stoically enduring Ray J's not-so-accomplished lovemaking techniques on video (among other things), and neither of her sisters were interested, making him a tertiary level "star," at best.

Elisabetta Canalis Why They're a "Star": One of only five or six hundred women George Clooney has slept with. Also appeared in Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, which would make her Meryl Streep compared to Rob Kardashian.

Carson Kressley Why They're a "Star": One of the "queers" in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, which would make him automatically peg the Insufferable-o-Meter, if not for this recent tweet:

2 all freaking out about having the GLBT community represented on #DWTS - its a ballroom dancing show. Its pretty gay already.

Quite right. Quite right.

Kristen Cavallari Why They're a "Star": Appeared on MTV's faux-reality series The Hills and one of the straight-to-DVD Van Wilder sequels. Look, if I want some MTV reality star to come back to the small screen, it'd be Puck.

David Arquette Why They're a "Star": The Scream movies, mostly. And also for being married to "that girl from the Bruce Springsteen video." Nowhere else to go when you're maybe the third favorite Arquette.

Ron Artest Why They're a "Star": Champion NBA player and brawler. May have a new name when all is said and done.

Nancy Grace Why They're a "Star": Seriously, of all the people listed here, they choose to single out Chaz for censure? Nancy Grace is the sound of nails on a chalkboard made flesh, but you have to get someone to fill the Shrill Caucasian Drama Queen slot (hereafter referred to as the "Kate Gosselin Category").

Remember, the presumption of innocence is for pussies.


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