Pop Rocks: Deadly Spider Bananas Go Viral, Haunt My Dreams
Since the dawn of the Internet, certain stories were tailor-made for the online world. They combined some odd mix of cute, odd, scary, funny, weird, ironic and/or nerdy. These are the sorts of stories that used to be relegated to the "News of the Weird" sections of print publications or, more obscurely, urban legends passed around by teenagers and college kids. Now, they proliferate throughout the web and go viral, sometimes rapidly.
Case in point this story about a British woman who found some of the most deadly spiders in the world on bananas she bought at the grocery store. Tiny, baby spiders leapt off her fresh bananas and began careening around her kitchen. After showing the picture of them to an expert, it turns out they are the most toxic spiders in the world.
This is fantastic. Now, I'm afraid to throw away the moldy bananas on my counter or, you know, EVER BuY BANANAS AGAIN!
It's wonderful that the Internet informs us in such a way to make us smarter, but it also reveals some scary stuff that I don't really ever want to know. It's a tradeoff, the likes of which no one of the pre-digital era ever faced unless they kept their noses buried in the Guinness Book of World Records and the Encyclopedia Britannica. Even then, you mostly didn't have to see photos of the most terrifying animals on the planet , but you also would never learn the inspiring story of the families who built a monument to plane crash victims you can see from orbit.
So, for every story of deadly spiders invading your house via produce, there is the story of lions who remember the people who saved them and literally millions of pictures of cute cats, dogs and now giraffes.
It is the miracle of the Internet or maybe the horror. I guess it really depends on your perspective. But, what makes this particular story so compelling is the combination of terrors.
Most deadly spiders EVER
Speaking of Guinness Book these damn spiders were certified as the most toxic on the planet by the folks at Guinness. It's not just that a big old tarantula crawled off the banana. The scary looking, mostly-harmless mammals (take that, entomology!) can be pets for Pete sake. No, this woman got crazy, deadly, aggressive spiders!
They were hatching...like from eggs!
If the thought of spiders hatching from eggs on your kitchen table doesn't simultaneously make you scared and want to barf, you probably were never freaked out by the (totally not true) urban legend that spiders could hatch INSIDE YOUR SKIN. You're welcome.
These were bananas from the grocery store.
This lady did not buy this fruit from a stand in the Congo. These were from a grocery store in London. It would be like wandering down to the Kroger and picking up some Dole's before realizing THEY ARE COVERED IN SPIDERS THAT CAN KILL YOU! Yes, it's that bad. And finally...
They ended up in the carpet.
The house had to be fumigated. Let's be straight about this...that house needs to be sold, condemned, burned and then the entire land mass around it dug from the ground and sent on a rocket into the burning hot sun. Only then would I feel comfortable going back there. Hell, I'm not even sure I can ever visit London again knowing what happened. But, if you are going to move back into that spider hole, you can't just move the damn headstones, you have to take the graves. Yes this is the spider equivalent of getting rid of the spirits of dead Native Americans buried under your swimming pool.
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