Pop Rocks: Five Movies We Don't Want to See In "4-D"

Pop Rocks: Five Movies We Don't Want to See In "4-D"

Three dimensions, James Cameron? You can do better than that.

The salty scent of ocean air, the frigid winds of the North Atlantic, the jarring bump of a 46,000-ton ship hitting an iceberg -- for international audiences who wish to add yet another dimension to the 3-D re-release of James Cameron's "Titanic," there is "Titanic 4DX."

A South Korean company called CJ 4DPlex Co. has created a theme park ride-like experience to accompany screenings of "Titanic 3D" in 26 theaters in South Korea, Mexico, China and Thailand starting Thursday.

4DX places theater audiences inside a film's environment using motion, wind, fog, lighting and scent-based special effects. Launched in 2009, 4DX is also being applied to such recent movies as "The Hunger Games" and "John Carter" and the upcoming "The Avengers." (It's unclear what the sinking Titanic smells like, but we bet there will be liberal use of the "short bursts of sharp air" and "face water" features -- not to mention the pitch and roll seats.)

They have something similar to this at our very own Houston Zoo. In Dora & Diego's 4-D Adventure, you're spritzed with water, buffeted by fans and rocked in your seats as you join the diminutive explorers in their attempts to capture a robot butterfly. It was...interesting; even I had to leave after ten minutes because my two-year-olds were freaking out.

Still, it's an intriguing idea. And seeing this story about Titanic got me wondering what movies you *wouldn't* want given the 4DX treatment.

Back to the Future Well, time is often said to be the fourth dimension. And sure, going back in time to 1955 might be cool and all: You buy a few hundred shares of IBM, place a bet on the (Brooklyn) Dodgers to beat the Yankees in seven, maybe grab a first pressing of "Folsom Prison Blues" then catch Elvis Presley in Lubbock (with Buddy and Bob opening...that'd be Buddy "Holly"). That is, if you were a (Mc)fly white guy. Women might encounter a few more complications, and if you were black, I just hope your DeLorean didn't deposit you south of the Mason-Dixon Line.

Idiocracy Three words: "Ow, My Balls."

Creepshow I can see it now: restraints binding you to your seats while seawater is dumped on your head ("Something to Tide You Over"), sod dropped from the ceiling ("The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill"), and, for the coup de grace, hidden confetti cannons would shoot thousands of live cockroaches at the audience ("They're Creeping Up On You"). Not even PETA would protest.

 

Deliverance If camping/canoeing is your bag, I'd suggest Up the Creek, in which that South Korean company could replicate white water thrills, the feel of naked bosoms, and copious beer consumption. Call it a hunch, but I'm reasonably sure it beats hillbilly sodomy.

Trainspotting I'm not exactly sure how the company would re-create the agony of heroin withdrawal or the bleakness of living in Glasgow, but the least pleasant sensation would certainly be simulating The Worst Toilet in Scotland.


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