Pop Rocks: For Dia de los Muertos, Five People Who Are Officially Dead to Us
A no brainer. Literally.
Last night was Halloween, so most of you are either sleep-deprived from dealing with pint-sized hordes of candy junkies laying siege to your home, or you're hung over after going drink for drink with a sexy nun or a dude claiming he was Magic Mike's Matthew McConaughey.
But all that silliness is behind us now. With November's arrival, we can finally concentrate on things that are really important: Thanksgiving prep, NFL playoff scenarios, and Day of the Dead celebrations, which start today. And because I'm so culturally sensitive, I've compiled a list of famous folk who've finally crossed over, as it were, into celebrity purgatory. And honestly, this list could easily be a thousand names long.
Note: I realize November 1 is technically Dia de los Inocentes, but tI work with what I'm given.
Jersey Boys (Touring)
TicketsTue., Nov. 15, 7:30pm
The Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses - Master Quest
TicketsFri., Nov. 18, 8:00pm
TicketsSat., Nov. 19, 7:00pm
John Cleese & Eric Idle
TicketsTue., Nov. 29, 7:30pm
Jeff Dunham: Perfectly Unbalanced Tour
TicketsThu., Dec. 1, 7:30pm
Ann Coulter Coulter was always one of those fringe loudmouths (like Bill O'Reilly) I felt sure was some manner of political performance artist. It wouldn't necessarily forgive the appalingly vile things they'd say, but at least it allowed me to cling to the hope they were simply agitating in order to profit off those not in on the joke (at least, that's what I told myself whenever her latest dumbfuckery filtered through my personal media firewall) After the "retard" comment she made following the last Presidential debate, I'm thinking I've been wrong the whole time.
Though it did prompt one hell of a response.
Gary Glitter Included only because I thought he was literally already dead. How the hell was this scumbag breathing free air in the first place?
Donald Trump I know, I know, he's been dead to most of us ever since he cheated on poor, poor Ivana. Speaking personally, I grudgingly appreciated the way Celebrity Appearance gave me an endless stream of entertainment has-beens to point and laugh at. However, he belongs to a not-insubstantial subset of the Inherited Wealthy who act like their own signficant advantages (father Fred was a successful NYC real estate developer) had nothing to do with their success. And then there's shit like this:
Okay, that's actually pretty good.
George Lucas The announcement that Disney had purchased Lucasfilm for a cool $4 billion last Tuesday finally gave us something to occupy ourselves with, seeing as nothing else of import has taken place in the last week, specifically nothing weather-related. The real takeaway of this, aside from the promise (or threat?) of a new Star Wars movie in 2015, is that we no longer have to pay attention to Lucas' stammering about why Greedo shot first or how the Force is nothing more than a blood-borne illness; a long time ago, far far away strain of hepatitis B, if you will.
Honey Boo Boo It was fun while it lasted. Well, not really. When your TV show starts off as the most horrifying train wreck since the Big Bayou Canot disaster, you'd think it had nowhere to go but up. How charmingly, pathetically naive.
I don't mean to imply people aren't watching, they mos def are (the season finale drew 2.8 million viewers and was the highest rated show that night, beating the season premiere of South Park). But really, enough's enough. Let's leave these people to die of type 2 diabetes and deep vein thrombosis in peace.
Johnny Depp Doing paycheck movies ceases to be acceptable once you no longer need the paycheck, dude. Depp himself has freely admitted he won't turn his nose up as long as Disney keeps driving dump trucks of money up to his house, and who would blame him? Not me, necessarily, but that doesn't mean I have to forgive Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Dark Shadows, Alice in Wonderland or The Tourist. The last decent movie he made was Rango, a film in which he plays a chameleon version of Jake Gittes.
But I'm sure The Lone Ranger will be *phenomenal*.
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