Pop Rocks: What Jessica Simpson Won't Be Naming Her Baby

If, like me, you were unaware Jessica Simpson was pregnant, here you go:

The 31-year-old Fashion Star mentor graces the cover of Elle in all her pregnant glory--à la Demi Moore, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey, to name a few.

Jessica also revealed that she and fiancé Eric Johnson are expecting a girl, and they've already got her name picked out...

"We're sure," she told Elle, adding that their little girl will have a "nontraditional" name.

"It's nothing shocking and nothing you'll have to add to the dictionary," Jess added. "Still, when people hear it, they'll know...why."

I haven't checked the various Vegas sites, but surely they're laying odds right this second on what that name will be. Far be it from me to do the handicappers' job for them, but you can rest assured these won't end up being the moniker of the Spawn of Simpson.

Tony As most of you know, former 49ers/Saints tight end Johnson isn't Simpson's first romantic dalliance with an NFL player. She and Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo enjoyed a brief (less than two year) romance for which she was unfairly maligned for her boyfriend's tendency to choke during big games. In any event, even though the name "Tony" -- like "Chris," "Pat" or "Michael" -- can be assigned to both boys and girls, don't hold your breath.

Daisy If you're a guy, having a daughter can make you rethink your previously held Neanderthal attitudes toward women. If you're a woman, you may look back on choices you made earlier in life and reconsider their value to a newborn. Frankly, I don't know if Simpson's performance in the Dukes of Hazzard remake is any more embarrassing than the movie itself, but better safe than sorry.

 

O.J. It doesn't have to stand for "Orenthal James," you know. "Olive" begins with an "O." So do "Opal," "Octavia" and "Oprah," for that matter. And Simpson's father's name is "Joe," but I'm not sure how empowering it'll be to saddle your kid with the name of a grandfather who trumpeted the size of Mommy's breasteses.

Yoko Science proves that "Yoko" is up there with "Adolf" in terms of name unpopularity. Don't believe me? Use the Social Security Administration's own name search engine. Neither has been in the top 1,000 names for the last 12 years. Was breaking up the Beatles a crime on par with the Holocaust? Of course not. But that didn't stop whiny Cowboys fans from sending Jessica hate mail because Tony couldn't handle a snap.

Vanessa Jessica Simpson gets a lot of shit for not being the brightest bulb, but so far she hasn't stooped to co-starring with Kim Kardashian on a crappy TV crime procedural, like ex-husband Nick Lachey's current spouse.


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