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Pop Rocks: When Is It Okay to Call Someone a C*nt?

Not okay.
Not okay.

Satirical Web site The Onion has already deleted the Tweet that set social media ablaze last Sunday night:

The Onion is taking heat today after calling 9-year-old Best Actress Oscar nominee Quvenzhane Wallis a vulgar and offensive name on Twitter.

The parody newspaper and website deleted the tweet a few hours later, but social media wasn't about to let the controversy disappear. [...] A search of Twitter shows the controversy hasn't settled down, and as of now The Onion hasn't made any further comment on its Twitter feed. There are online petitions calling for a public apology.

I'm going to give the legions of Twitter knights the benefit of the doubt and assume they're unfamiliar with The Onion's m.o. (whatever they do, they shouldn't read this). But point taken: calling nine-year olds the c-word is a no-no. And to avoid future confusion, I've put together a handy primer on the word's usage.

We've all seen this, right?

Pop Rocks: When Is It Okay to Call Someone a C*nt?

I'd also point out that the outrage over the Wallis Tweet is awfully similar to the commentary I saw during the Oscars. I understand Family Guy may not be everybody's cup of tea (I probably haven't watched it in a decade), but Seth MacFarlane was being Seth MacFarlane last Sunday night. Did people think he was going to do a couple shots of maturity drink or something?

Anyway, back to cunts. As with anything, there's a time and a place for the word's usage. Typically, I've let Hollywood be my guide, and Tinseltown has taught me it's perfectly okay to use the word in the following situations:

If Your Name Is "Brick Top" Because if it was, you'd be pretty foul-tempered, too.

Or Your Name Is Don Logan I think somebody's due for a screening of Gandhi.

Or You're from the British Isles in General Never mind; apparently people call each other "cunt" as a matter of course over there. It's actually in the benediction for the coronation of the King or Queen of England.

If You Live in Deadwood, South Dakota Any time I see a clip of Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) in action, I'm reminded of that line from A Christmas Story: "He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay." Granted, he was more fond of that *other* c-word.

 

If You're Referring to a Female Peacock Q: What do you call a female peacock? A: A peacunt. I know, it's actually "peahen." George Carlin probably knew as well. Whatever, here he is talking about earrings.

If You're Expressing Concern for a Female FBI Agent's Hygiene I mean, if Miggs could smell it from that far away...

If You're About to Be Tortured to Death by Vampires The stories from Patton Oswalt and others about the filming of Blade: Trinity are the best part of that movie. Well, that and Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds).

If You're Trying to Talk Sense to a Teenager Kristen Wiig wasn't at the Oscars last night, meaning nobody can verify her whereabouts when the Onion Tweet was posted. You don't suppose...?


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