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Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

Last night's big winner: the bayonet.
Last night's big winner: the bayonet.

Last night was the third and final Presidential debate, in which incumbent President Barack Obama and challenger Mitt Romney attempted to sway the opinions of the seven people left in this country who haven't decided who they're voting for.

The election is two weeks away. Did last night's verbal shenanigans change any potential voters' minds, or was it yet another exercise in pointless neo-corporate posturing? There's only one place that can provide these answers: to the Twitter feed!

How big a night was this? Michelle Beadle (whom I follow purely for, uh, educational reasons) lets us know:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

Why does she hate baseball? Probably the same reason I do, now that the Cards are out of it.

Lest we forget, last night's debate focused on foreign policy:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

No Latveria? You'll be hearing from Dr. Doom's ambassadors (that's what he calls his ICBMs).

There were also those who weren't even sure they wanted to watch the debate:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

I'm sure the RIAA was glad to read that one.

But then it was time for actual debatin', and right off the bat, we were talking about the Middle East:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

Obama's subsequent cracks about Romney's "1980s foreign policy" aside, this is the least 1980s thing anyone has ever said.

Unfortunately for Romney, he was in for a long night:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

This country will never be safe until we secure our borders against the dire threat posed by the Crimson Dynamo and Nikolai Volkoff.

 

As a geography buff from way back, this might have been my favorite screw-up of the night:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

Duh, he meant the Sabkhat al-Jabbul, people. Read between the lines.

But then, Romney didn't strike out with everybody:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

I dunno, have you checked out Obama's hair lately? That job powders everybody.

Much hay was also made about Romney's claim that you could go on his web site and find out how he'd balance the budget:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

I did try it, for the record. I couldn't get past the part about "empowering states to innovate with Medicaid" without laughing until my aorta ruptured.

Well, we've heard a lot from pundits and politicos, what about the Dark Knight?

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

He's probably not the only one.

Romney seemed very concerned about our seafaring capabilities as well:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

Sadly, this was only the beginning.

 

You've already experienced the Internet shitstorm that resulted from this:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

"And I promise you I'll put America's small business bayonet-makers back to work" - Mitt Romney.

There was a lot more, but wow does watching these things get tiring:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

Clogs. Ouch.

And then there was this:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

It wasn't just you.

Luckily for America, celebrities were watching the debate as well:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

Oh, that LiLo.

There was more, a lot more, but exit polls concur that Obama won the third debate. Of course, there are outliers, which personal favorite Neko Case dealt with handily:

Pop Rocks: Your Official 3rd Presidential Debate Recap...As Seen (Once Again) on Twitter

"Retard." And networks like ABC pay this woman for her opinions.

Two more weeks, people.


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