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Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

This scene from Jack Frost isn't on the list, but I wanted you to know it existed.
This scene from Jack Frost isn't on the list, but I wanted you to know it existed.

Every once in a while I like to take a break from being a feminist crusader and compile a list based on complete chauvinist objectification. Maybe I'm seeking balance. Maybe I just like boobies. Maybe just the thought of a cashing a check for this sends me into maniacal glee beyond all comparison.

Regardless, there are a lot of exceptional thespians that have come out of H-Town, and the fact is that sometimes in the course of their art they take off their clothes. Today we salute the best examples of that.

Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

10. Anna Nicole Smith, Skyscraper: From chicken cook to stripper to millionaire wife to reality show train wreck our own Anna Nicole Smith was one of a kind no matter how you felt about here. Though she was more known for her Playboy appearances she did dabble in proper acting. Cheesy as it was, Skyscraper was probably the best of these, offering a female take on Die Hard mixed with several gratuitous scenes of Smith showering or writhing on the bed with Richard Steinmetz.

Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

9. Shelley Duvall, Thieves Like Us: Shelley Duvall sports one of the most legit Houston film credits for having been in Brewster McCloud. Personally, for me she'll always be Little Bo Peep in Mother Goose Rock 'n' Rhyme though. She's was never overly prone to getting undressed on camera, but did step fully nude out of an old-fashioned bathtub in Thieves Like Us.

Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

8. JoBeth Williams, Teachers: Williams grew up down in South Park before she moved out to New York City to become a star. One of her big breaks was 1983's Teachers, where she played a lawyer helping to clean up a corrupt school. One of the ways that she accomplishes this is by streaking naked down the halls, throwing her panties at a crowd of teenagers. Just to be sure, I checked out this legal strategy with a lawyer friend of mine.

Me: Can you think of anyway that you taking off all your clothes in front of a bunch of high school kids would help your career?

Her: I honestly cannot think of a scenario in which this could ever end up helping a lawyer's career... at least not in this country.

She declined to tell me the location of the magic land where lawyers run naked and free.

Editor's note: Readers if you continue you should know we're getting very adult in the next pages.

 

Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

7. Krista Allen, Emmanuelle in Space: A World of Desire: Though she was born in Ventura, CA, the Skinemax darling did grow up in Houston and Austin for a time. Picking just one nude scene from the soft core magnum opus that is the Emmanuelle in Space series took hours of research. In the end I settled on her masturbation scene from A World of Desire It says all that needs to be said.

Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

6. Joan Severance, Black Scorpion: It was a stint as Miss Houston that opened the doors to Joan Severance's career as a model, then later an actress. Including a role in the greatest movie of all time, Hulk Hogan's No Holds Barred. Thanks to Roger Corman she was also a dominatrix superhero in Black Scorpion, and it's just one more thing on the long list of debts we owe to that amazing filmmaker.

Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

5. Amy Lindsay, Femalien II: The reason that Lindsay ranks so high on this list is that I just love that someone looked at Femalien and decided there was more that needed to be said. Well, Lindsay is never adverse to cashing a paycheck for a good softcore flick, and offers not only a hot sex scene but a pretty compelling performance as a photographer who suspects that erotic aliens are visiting Earth.

Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

4. Roxy Vandiver, Witchcraft 13: Blood of the Chosen : My favorite local scream queen is one of the most beautiful women working in screen in Houston. I'll give a nod for her work in Spirit Camp because that film is awesome, but as far as nude scenes go her work in Witchcraft 13: Blood of the Chosen is definitely the hotter performance. Rumor is Vandiver is sadly leaving us soon, but we're still waiting on official word. Until then, at least we've got our memories.

 

Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

3. Annette O'Toole, Cat People: These days people tend to think of Annette O'Toole for her place as Martha Kent in Smallville, but back in the '80s she was a red hot zoologist hunting were cats and skinny dipping in Cat People. It's one of those legendary bad films that seems to have all kinds of awesome people attached to it, and if you've never seen it you are missing out on one of the most improbably erotic horror flicks ever made.

Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

2. Michelle Ellen Jones, Pick-Axe Murders III: The Final Chapter : And now, a super exclusive sneak peek at Jeremy Sumrall's upcoming Pick-Axe Murders III: The Final Chapter! Pageant consultant and local horror up-and-comer Michelle Ellen Jones strips down right before she blows your mind with a scene you will never see coming. I'd tell you more, but I had to swear to secrecy just to get this much. Look for Sumrall's slash-sterpiece soon.

...I'm really sorry about that pun.

Rest of the Best: The Top 10 Nude Scenes From Houston Actresses (NSFW) Really NSFW

1. Shannon Elizabeth, American Pie : Finally, we leave off with Shannon Elizabeth's incredible performance as a hot exchange student in American Pie. The film tried so desperately to be its generation's Porky's, and for the most part it failed at that. However, the warm-hearted and extremely hot Elizabeth was easily the closest it came to topping the classic sex comedy. That's what landed her the No. 1 spot, though it was really hard not to choose her being taken by a murderous snowman in Jack Frost.

Jef has a new story, a tale of headless strippers and The Rolling Stones, available now in Broken Mirrors, Fractured Minds. You can also connect with him on Facebook.


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