The Anti-Football Television Diet: 10 TV Shows to Counteract Football Season's Testosterone Levels
Football season is officially here and Sunday is no longer a day of rest: It is a day of Bud Light and Cheetos. For your average football fan, Sundays begin at 7:30 a.m. with the NFL Network's Total Access , then on to ESPN for the 10:30 a.m. slot with Sunday NFL Countdown , then flip to Fox NFL Sunday . Of course, there are also nine hours of actual football to watch. This is not to mention the Monday night game, the occasional Thursday, college football Saturday, the endless hours on football Web sites and chat rooms, the SportsCenter highlights, and, if Fantasy Football comes into play, well, then, you are on a whole different plain.
There is nothing wrong with football per se, it's just the testosterone that comes along with. During the six months of football, there is a striking imbalance in the earth's equilibrium. The testosterone-to-estrogen ratio is off, and something has to be done about it.
We gave ourselves the ultimate task of finding the ten girliest programs on television to neutralize the bro-behavior that is currently dominating the airwaves.
10. Hart of Dixie
Hart is the CW's answer to Northern Exposure for a female audience. It stars Rachel Bilson as a tough-as-nails surgeon exiled to live among the real people of a sleepy Alabama town. Expect this hard girl to soften, as will our collective hearts for her.
9. The Sex Diaries Project
Oh yeah, ladies, today on the OWN network, Oprah presents a sneak peak at The Sex Diaries Project. The show portrays a "shockingly intimate look at the sex lives of American women." A show about middle-aged women and their sex lives is like Kryptonite to the average male. For a bonus, start loudly comparing your own sexual habits to the ones on television.
8. Picker Sisters
Given the hype of reality programming featuring guys going through garbage, Lifetime's Picker Sisters , a show about girlfriends who go through garbage, was inevitable. Unlike the popular Storage Wars or Auction Hunters , these gals don't have the dirty drama, but they do turn their findings into fabulous furniture. Hello!
7. Millionaire Matchmaker
We refuse to believe that any man watches this show. We can see why a man might enjoy this show, though. Similar to football, this program places women in a Neanderthal-like setting -- "me want rich man to buy shiny."
6. Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami
Feeling neglected that he's chosen Howie Long and Jimmy Johnson over you and want to teach him a lesson? Throw this "reality" show on when he least expects it, and he will be so happy that you are not anything like those Kardashian girls.
5. The Balancing Act
Another Lifetime program not meant for male consumption, this a.m. talk show covers everything women really need to know to keep their lives balanced. Things worthy of balance are health, family, finances, travel, pets, cuisine, beauty & fashion, and the environment. The show describes itself as "inspiring," which, when uttered within five feet of a woman, genetically requires her to start singing, "I Am Woman (Here Me Roar)" .
4. The Nail Files
There is a reality show on the TV Guide Network about a "celebrity" nail polisher. She polishes the thumbs and pointers of the likes of Debbie Gibson and the gals from Jersey Shore . What fun! Throw this gem on your 42-inch HD flatscreen and watch as your husband rinses his eyes out with your bottle of lemon-scented nail polish remover.
3. How Do I Look?
Of the Style Network's many makeover shows, this one in particular is sure to strike a chord with your gentleman caller based on title alone. Isn't this every guy's favorite question in the world? "How do I look? Seriously, you can be honest. It's the shoes. You hate these shoes, right? But they are my favorites."
2. A Baby Story
When used properly, TLC's A Baby Story is the most powerful form of birth control out there. How does it counteract football? By literally showing a baby being birthed from its mother; it doesn't get any womanlier than that.
1. Too Cute! Kittens
Saturday night at 11 p.m., put on your "I Heart Cats" PJs for an episode of Animal Planet's Too Cute! Kittens . Aww... now let's eat some ice cream and do each other's hair.
Get the Theater and Arts Newsletter
Exclusive discounts and announcements to Houston theater shows and art events