This year marks my 10th year away from the grim clutches of public education and high school life, and even though I still sweat around girls, and someone have managed to have my voice crack at least once a year since 2001, I feel like sort of an adult.
High school reunions are looked at as these grand opportunities to show people how much awesome and richer you are since you left the hot house of structured learning and hellish acne breakouts.
Funny enough, you really just graduate out of one version of high school, and into another one, that is worse and way more competitive than anything you imagined. We are really all just floating by on the grace of whatever god or animal you believe in. It never ends.
Now, high school reunion films are some of our most favorite movies, because they show people getting a chance to at least right the wrongs of their wasted youth, and there is always at least a few sad, pregnant ex-cheerleaders, and fallen teen idols trying to make do in a world that doesn't always reward a football championship.
I'm still waiting to hear if my class of Pearland High School 2001 is even having a reunion this year, or if everyone just got too busy trying to raise their babies and pay the light bill. Hell, maybe they already had one without all the kids that hung out under the west stairwell invited. More than likely it will be at a country club where I will be turned away at the door for having too many tattoos.
Grosse Pointe Blank
This is the sort of high school reunion experience I always imagined having, plus a killer soundtrack.
Featuring a young Natalie Portman before she grew feathers and had kick-ass imaginary lesbian sex with Mila Kunis.
Romy & Michele's High School Reunion
We miss funny Mira Sorvino so much.
Look at punk-rock Ray Liotta!
Peggy Sue Got Married
Look at skinny Jim Carrey! Also, how does Nicolas Cage look worse now than he did in old-age make-up from the '80s?
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National Lampoon's Class Reunion
A forgotten gem for sure.