The Dedicated Gamers Guide to Portal's Long Fall Boots
In the video game series Portal, our protagonist Chell has three weapons at her disposal. She obviously has her wits and her portal gun, but she also needs to make sure that she's well taken care of in the event of a high-speed impact brought about by falls. Hence, the Long Fall Boots.
The boots were developed by Aperture Science after test subjects using the portal gun routinely fell from great heights. This was costing them a fortune in guns. The loss of life was a characteristically lesser important feature. With the boots on, even terminal velocity was no match for their cushioning powers, provided you landed on your feet, of course.
Inspired by the iconic footwear, enterprising designers have gone out of their way to develop their own versions. Since we are all about fashion at Art Attack, this is your guide to finding the perfect real-life Long Fall Boots.
Jared Sellers whipped up an homage to Converse with these knee-high sneakers. Modified from some of the comfiest shoes on the planet, Sellers has attached the famous Aperture logo and laced them with laces corresponding to the two-colored portals that Chell produces with the portal gun. Sellers has a whole line of video game-themed shoes, featuring Mortal Kombat, Metroid and Metal Gear.
TicketsSat., Mar. 4, 8:00pm
Je'Caryous Johnson's "Married But Single Too"
TicketsFri., Mar. 10, 8:00pm
The Illusionists - Live From Broadway (Touring)
TicketsSat., Mar. 11, 4:00pm
The King and I (Touring)
TicketsTue., Mar. 14, 7:30pm
Brain Candy LIVE: Adam Savage & Michael Stevens
TicketsThu., Mar. 23, 8:00pm
Not yet on the market, but in development, Lyoko Nakadashi has put together a pretty impressive blueprint for a damn fine set of boots using a nice set of stripper shoes and professionally cosplayer know-how. Perfect for the short girl who'd like to add some height to her cyber look.
Harrison Krix is the owner and operator of Volpin Props. The freelance prop artist has developed absolutely unbelievable replicas from BioShock, Mass Effect and The Legend of Zelda. His designs are actually based on Chell's Advanced Knee Replacement braces from the first Portal, the precursor of the Long Fall Boots. The braces were destroyed when Chell was dragged back into the Aperture facility after defeating GLaDOS.
Though they're not boots, you'll still look sick in these Portal-themes socks from Jinx. They aren't likely to cushion a fall from great heights, but then again you aren't likely to have to leap death-defying distances to outwit an insane super computer. For the Portal fan, Jinx offers lots of other accessories, such as T-shirts and dual portal earrings.
Maybe all this sleek plastic is too modern for your tastes. Well, the steampunk community has weighed in on Portal as well. DeviantArtist batman-n-bananas developed theses spring loaded models that would have been right at home around the ankles of the villain Spring Heel Jack. Not content just with her amazing shoes, she's also cobbled together a true steampunk portal gun that looks like something Captain Nemo would've invented.
In the end, the Long Fall Boots do not exist. If you fall from high enough, you will be broken like Ivan Drago was going to break Rocky Balboa. That being said, the next best thing are jumping stilts, which you can totally get for $299. The stilts look very similar to the Long Fall Boots, but are designed more for going up like Super Mario than down like Chell, but it's clear from the above video that they allow your legs powers no regular human has.
Liked our Portal shoe shopping guide? Check out the Dedicated Gamer's Guide to Video Game Lamps.
Get the Theater Newsletter
Get a rundown of upcoming theater events and ticket deals in Houston.