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The Strangest Job Ads on Craigslist

If you're looking for a new job and are finding yourself in the doldrums, we get it. Looking for a new job is tedious, frustrating and often downright overwhelming.

But you know what makes that job search even worse? When the job board is full of completely awful ads. Craigslist -- that good ol' community board where you can sell your old junk to willing buyers -- is a fantastic place to start your job search. There are plenty of actual employers seeking folks to fill actual positions with their companies.

Dig a little deeper into that Craigslist job well, and you'll come up with ads looking to fill some of the strangest jobs ever. So if you're feeling a bit frustrated with the job search, we're here to tell you that it could always be worse. You could be applying for one of these jobs.

Here are the strangest job ads we found on Craigslist. And yes, as strange as it may seem, they all came directly from the job boards. Craigslist doesn't even have an "adult" section anymore -- that we know of, anyway.

IF YOU CAN WALK AND TALK, THEN YOUR HIRED (Webster, League City, Friendswood, Pasadena)

IF YOU CAN WALK AND TALK, then your hired. Get your exercise while earning a lot of money. Training starts tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. Come and grow with one of the nations top remodeling companies.

Listen. All we're gonna say is, we hope that this place is just the tiniest bit more selective than this. "IF YOU CAN WALK AND TALK, then your hired" is great and all, but they're running the risk of having an influx of toddlers show up to training, as those are skills that they also have mastered.

Maybe they should edit it to say something like, "If you can walk and talk in full sentences," or something. We don't know; we aren't advertising geniuses. We just know that no one wants to compete for a job with a toddler. How could you possibly win, with their cute chubby cheeks and crooked smiles and all? No one wins a job over a toddler.

marketing research

Hi I would like to ask for market research service I have a company for (network designing and installing). Can you do the following points?

How big is the market of networking technology? Including its current size and historic growth rate as well as other trends and characteristics.

Customer: Who is my potential customer? What there needs and likes? What are the critical needs of my potential customers? What are the demographics of the group and where are they located? Are there any seasonal or cyclical purchasing trends that may impact your business?

Competitive analysis: market share, strengths and weaknesses, how important are my target market to my competitors? Are there any barriers that may hinder you as you enter the market? What is my window of opportunity to enter the market? Are there any indirect or secondary competitors who may impact my success? What are the prices of their services? Where is the best market place to compete in that having more customers and less competitor?

All these points in addition to any other information that can be done in marketing research.

How much is the accuracy of this research?

To be honest, we aren't even sure what the above ad is asking. Perhaps it's our marketing naiveté or our lack of grasp on the basics of the English language, but that ad makes entirely no sense to us.

What are they advertising for? A marketing researcher position? Or are they conducting research themselves? The world is a confusing place on the Craigslist job boards. A confusing place indeed.

 

Looking for an Open Minded Women to capture theVDay moments!

My boyfriend and I would like to make a movie 2/14/2014. I would like for a women to record us. Doesn't have to be a pro I would just like to have the footage. It'll be a goodnight!!

Ps: this is my first time doing something like this.

Say what ya mean, folks. Say what ya mean. You're looking for someone to film a porn, and that's cool. We're fine with that, and we feel like you filming your porn is your business. But perhaps your ad is a bit confusing to the average camera person seeking a gig, no? And you wouldn't want anyone showing up unawares, now would you? That would make for one seriously awkward "VDay Movie," guys.

It also seems just a wee bit overboard to hire a cameraman (or woman) to film this whole thing when there are easily accessible tripods that are also inanimate objects and therefore do not require compensation or forewarning. But whatever. Do yo' thang, you crazy VDay couple. Just make sure you're spelling it out in your ad next time.

Local physician seeking men with penile curvature (Peyronie's disease)

Local physician is conducting a research study to see if an investigational drug can help improve the penile curvature and the bother associated with the symptoms of Peyronie's Disease.

Men who are 18-70 years of age are needed for a 10 month study evaluating a new treatment for Peyronie's disease.

Financial compensation provided

Medical studies are great. They work out the kinks (pun intended) for medical interventions before they're used on the general public, and they're obviously super-helpful in that aspect. So no qualms there with this ad.

What seems strange is that this ad was placed within the Craigslist job boards. We mean, it's not technically a job, right? When you're asked what you do for a living, can you tell people that you have your crooked penis resolved in medical trials? It just seems a bit difficult to explain in a word or two, unlike "receptionist" or "accountant."

Otherwise, carry on with whatever is going on in this ad. Just maybe move it from the job boards, where folks are looking for a j-o-b.

Seeking 1 more female for twerking video ((Houston) )

Ever wanted to have your own twerk team style video in HD?

We are looking 1 more female for twerking video to a few new hot songs (you choose) which will be shot profesionally

Send some recent pics of face and body and we will get back with you ASAP

Also not a job. And probably not the safest thing to reply to, either, but still. It's not a job, yet it's on the job boards. We like twerking, but very, very few people can actually make that work for them as a career. The world is limited in the number of twerkers that are necessary for it to continue spinning.

As an aside, if you're hell-bent on twerking for a living, please be aware that you can film that yourself, or with a buddy. You don't need to send random people on Craigslist your photos and identifying information for that to happen.

 

Females Sell Us Your Nude Selfies (Houston, TX)

Females make money selling us your nude selfies. NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY!

You must be at least 18 years old, other than that there are no restrictions.

We will not tell you what to do in your nude selfies, we just ask that you are naked and that we can see your face in every nude selfie that you send us.

We will need a minimum of ten nude selfies to work with you. For the first ten nude selfies we will pay you $500 and $100 for every additional nude selfie you send us.

As you can see, we accept a wide variety of nude females.

Here is how you can make more money: -Send us a lot of nude selfies. We pay for nude selfies that meet the criteria. -If you are smiling or looking at us is a bonus. -Being creative or daring in your nude selfies. -Sending us a set of nude selfies, one after the other. ie you undressing or a themed set of selfies. -Any nude costume or makeup. -The less clothes you have on the better. -More nude females per selfie means more money. -Sexual content or activity will get you high dollar.

If you are not nude or we can not see your face we will not be able to pay you for that selfie. If we do not get at least ten nude selfies to start off with, we can not pay you.

What we do with the nude selfies you send us? -We save them for our portfolio along with your information. -We do use your pictures as examples in ads and to recruit more females. If we use your nude selfie we will notify you. -We are working on sevral projects like calendars and such. If we use your nude selfie for a project we will notify and you get a free copy of the finished product. -We will not sell or abuse your nude selfies. Your nude selfies will be kept private and will not be plastered all over the Internet. At the moment we do not have a website for this reason. -If we really like your look and you are interested we might higher you to meet with one of our photographers for a professional nude shoot.

With the nude selfies please include the following information: -Full Name -Date of Birth -Zip Code -Email adress

Your information will remain private. At no time will we use your nude selfies with your information. If we need to use a stage name with any project, we will contact you and get approval.

Once we take a look at your nude selfies and the selfies meet the criteria, we will contact you for payment.

Again, we need to see your face in every nude selfie you submit to us.

Thanks and we look forward to working with you,

Focus Casting Houston, TX

Tips on Taking the Perfect Selfie and Getting Payed More

-Always, always make sure you're alone. You don't want a friend, family member or even a pet photo-bombing your selfie. -Check lighting. Like in any photographic scenario, here too, lighting plays an important role. Your light source should be in front of you, so that no unflattering shadows are created. -The setting is important. No one wants to see the clogged drain in your shower when you're taking a selfie in the bathroom. -Find your sweet spot. Everyone has one. The right angle of your face and your best side will make a great selfie. -Avoid cliches like Duck Face, Frog Face, Sparrow Face or animal faces of any kind. Your own face should just about do it for you, don't you think? -Filter, filter, filter - There's nothing like an Instagram filter to compliment a selfie.

THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA, AND ALSO NOT A JOB. Do not send your naked photos and your identifying information to anyone on the Internet. This is how accidents happen, folks.

Not a job, not a job and not a job. Selfies, no matter how hard you werk in them, are not a job, nor will they ever be. So if you come across something like this on the Craigslist job boards, please don't be tempted by whatever they're offering to pay you if they approve them.

Need women into kissing women (Houston)

Women, if you enjoy kissing other women, let me know. You'll be compensated for your time. :)

So, what in the world is this? Is someone going to pay you to kiss women from the comfort of your own home? Their home? The Internet? Space? And why, oh why, are they offering to pay you to kiss women on the job boards?

We are so confused. And exhausted. Craigslist job boards are an exhausting place, especially when you're trying to decipher anything above.


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