The Top 5 Video Game Hitlers (sNSFW)
Any excuse to use this picture, really.
Okay, weird confession time. We have this...thing about Hitler. We fully recognize that he is singlehandedly responsible for some of the gravest atrocities of the last century, and that his very image is enough to strike fear into the hearts of men and women everywhere. We get that, and we are very glad he ended his life in a ditch on fire because he is the biggest cockknocker around for centuries in either direction (we hope).
Nonetheless, there's an aspect of Hitler that has transcended into pop culture and made him a cross between the evil of Satan and the ineptness of Cobra Commander. The Nazis remain the single historical group that you can easily go to as bad guys you can kill with no ill will, and Hitler himself has ascended to the level of final boss. He's a cartoon character, a face that we all know if not like.
That's why video games have always been keen to use the late chancellor liberally, and here are our five favorites.
Earlier this year, game developers 800 North and Digital Ranch decided, rightly, that there were entirely too many first-person shooters set in World War II, and proceeded to do what every ten-year-old has already done in their head: added dinosaurs. Using a modified version of Valve's Source engine, they crafted a world where Hitler managed to clone him some tyrannosaurs and enlist them in his quest for world domination. Honestly, Hitler has had screwier plans that worked out, and at least the dinosaurs had world domination experience.
Open World Dance Foundation presents CINDERELLA
TicketsThu., Nov. 10, 7:30pm
Jersey Boys (Touring)
TicketsTue., Nov. 15, 7:30pm
The Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses - Master Quest
TicketsFri., Nov. 18, 8:00pm
TicketsSat., Nov. 19, 7:00pm
John Cleese & Eric Idle
TicketsTue., Nov. 29, 7:30pm
Maybe you remember this character as Master-D in the heavily censored original NES release, but make no mistake, the Bionic Commando was on a quest to stop the resurrection of Adolf Hitler as some kind of Super Soldier. This game still marks the first time a video game cursed at us (Just "damn," but still...), and it loses some points by making the actual fight against Hitler fairly anticlimactic. What the fight lacks in action, though, it makes up for by getting to watch the Fuhrer's face explode piece by piece!
This violent series of RPGs is a big hit in Japan, but not so much here in America where we tend to keep such things pretty tame. In addition to the violence and some homosexual content, an appearance by Hitler has limited the audience for such a game. You may take Adolf for some kind of hipster to judge by the sunglasses up there, but in this reality Hitler is also the Lovecraftian entity know as Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. Actually, now that you mention it that part seems strangely plausible.
C'mon, even people who don't play video games have seen Robo-Hitler's picture floating around the Internet. In fact, we're willing to bet that a lot of you think that a cybnetic Hitler wielding dual chain guns can't be topped. Allow us to pop that bubble.
Total Carnage is what happens when male puberty becomes sentient and leans to program. Captain Carnage and Major Mayhem take on an evil dictator named General Akhboob for reason that do not really matter. It all comes down to a final showdown with the giant head of Akhboob, who after taking many missiles to the face is revealed to actually be Hitler. Yes, he loses the mobility offered in Wolfenstein, but he games a giant, laser-shooting head, and we always go with giant head when it comes to video games.
Get the Theater Newsletter
Get a rundown of upcoming theater events and ticket deals in Houston.