The Top 7 Texas-Centric Movie Remakes Starring Jennifer Lawrence
She can do or be anything, pretty much
Whether she's comforting sick kids in a pre-Christmas visit to Kosair Children's Hospital in Kentucky, schmoozing a love-struck David Letterman, or extolling the virtues of stuffing herself with junk food, we cannot get enough of Jennifer Lawrence. Can. Not.
In fact, we'd even be OK with the ultra-real, refreshingly self-effacing Oscar winner launching her own live webcam, providing a 24/7 link to her daily meanderings. JennTV: All Jennifer Lawrence, all the time. And though none of those sick kids have been reported spontaneously cured following December's Jenn-eficent hospital visitation, it's still early. Give it time.
Creepy? So be it. She's the Anti-Kardashian.
Beyond this year's Catching Fire installment, La Lawrence is due to flex her bow again in two more Hunger Games sequels. But why stop there? How about some remakes of movies, filmed in or near Houston, all of which would be better starring our favorite actor/humanitarian?
Jersey Boys (Touring)
TicketsTue., Nov. 15, 7:30pm
The Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses - Master Quest
TicketsFri., Nov. 18, 8:00pm
TicketsSat., Nov. 19, 7:00pm
John Cleese & Eric Idle
TicketsTue., Nov. 29, 7:30pm
Jeff Dunham: Perfectly Unbalanced Tour
TicketsThu., Dec. 1, 7:30pm
Here's our picks: This story continues on the next page.
Compared to Norman Jewison's thoughtful 1975 futuristic opus starring James Caan in knee pads, John McTiernan's schlocky 2002 remake paled pitifully, despite LL Cool Jay's best efforts. Jennifer Lawrence butching it up on wheels and kicking up rink dust, in defiance of a totalitarian state? Hells, yeah. She could train with local roller derby teams, the "Machete Betties" or "Psych Ward Sirens". A dozen years later, it's time for the roller girls to take over. Call it Rollerball-less.
6. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
It's hard to unhinge Dolly Parton from this ill-reputed 1982 musical true story based on providing Texas' top college football teams with conjugal incentive for winning. But we can't think of anything that would make any athletes, footballers or others, happier than Jennifer Lawrence beckoning them through the doors of La Grange's Chicken Ranch. Just don't be calling our little Jenn a whore. 5. Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
Who but Jennifer Lawrence could make a reminder of disgraced energy chief KennyBoy Lay's $30 billion rape of his employees and the economy seem--oh, I don't know--more palatable? She could play a younger version of the whistleblowing heroine Sherron Watkins in the re-do of Alex Gibney's 2005 documentary, because we like to think about JennyGirl blowing a whistle. Or, in a deleted scene/bonus extra, she could play a minimum wage-earning manager of Jus' Stuff, the Lays's storefront tag sale set up to liquidate the couples' vans-full of tchotchke assets from their 15 homes. A non-union retail manager, or course.
4. Fast Food Nation
Talk about a Happy Meal. Providing a gastronomic yin to Hunger Games' yang, Jenn's penchant for fast food would make an update to Richard Linklatter's satirical 2006, Austin-shot peek into the perils of quick cuisine slightly less dietarily foreboding. Researching the role would come easy to Jenn. After all, she proudly swung her limo through McDonald's prior to tripping up the steps at last year's Oscars ceremony, complaining to MTV correspondents her annoyance at having to cajole Mickey D's for extra ketchup packets. Yes, we want fries with that.
3. Armageddon, Apollo 13, and Space Cowboys (a three-way tie)
Sorry to blindside you, Sandra Bullock, but you've been out-adorabled. The specter of Commander Lawrence freely flipping around a space capsule in her skivvies, geekily checking those instrument panels, propels the concept of wishing upon a star to new, anti-Gravity heights.
2. Urban Cowboy
J-Law in a pick-up truck. J-Law on a mechanical bull. J-Law two-stepping in a Stetson and a pair of Lucchese boots. J-Law rustlin' up some dinner in a doublewide. J-Law dangling upside-down from an oil rig. Whether in Debra Winger's role as Sissy or a gender-bending turn as John Travolta's Bud, we can't think of better reasons to re-do James Bridges' 1980 kicker flick that made country as cool as, if not cooler than, disco. Instead of trying to resurrect Gilley's, the dancehall site of the original, this Urban Cowgirl update could be--no, must be--shot at Neon Boots. Houston's new home for LGBT C&W fans would likely make any accommodation to entice Lawrence's Urban Cowgirl through its swinging doors.
1. Terms of Endearment
And another Debra Winger vehicle presents itself for a Lawrencian overhaul. Co-starring the equally adorable Shirley MacLaine and Jack Nicholson, James L. Brooks' 1983 soap opera focuses on how River Oaks matrons get misty when their spawn dies, you'll recall. On second thought, forget this last entry. We don't want Jennifer Lawrence to die. Ever.
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