Tryptophan isn't the only substance abundant in ridiculously mass quantities on Thanksgiving. Thanks to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, soaring amounts of helium are injected into crowd-pleasing floats.
Each year, five new floats, balloonicle or falloon, are introduced. 2010's most heralded are:
Diary of a Wimpy Kid (empowering) Kung Fu Panda (cute, slightly racist) Kaikai & Kiki by Murakami (international, supports young artists) Yes, Virginia (historical, perpetuates the belief in Santa Claus) Kool-Aid Man (troublesome)
But if we were in charge of aerial visuals at this 86-year-old tradition, or any of the many Thanksgiving-themed parades across the country, we'd like to see these five hoisted and tethered:
5. Stewie Griffin The larger-than-life, pint-size menace deserves a nearly-larger-than-a-football-field ushering. How cool would that football-shaped head look looming over Times Square? The inexplicably British-accented baby is coming!
4. Kanye West Big heads aren't only found on the shoulders of floats--they can also be found on poor-extemporaneous-speaking celebrities. And since the head (no pun intended) of Taylor Swift's marketing division (seriously) is scheduled to perform at this year's parade, maybe a float bearing his visage wouldn't be necessary.
Be sure to check his Twitter to see if he honors his commitment.
3. Matt Lauer holding a softball and/or spatula This could be Macy's first small step in creating a topical/satirical float. It wouldn't be completely far-fetched, though. Lauer's journalistic skills are cartoon-like. The softball represents his coddling-style of interviewing done with Dubya and other blunder-full politicians; while the spatula was used to grill and prod aforementioned Kanye West into eliciting a completely unwarranted apology to Bush junior.
So much spewing of hot air!
2. Conan O'Brien After a year of being deflated, it would be fitting to champion the (once) best host of late-night, network talk shows. By the looks of his newest endeavor, Coco has reason to get big-headed (though the master of self-deprication probably won't).
Plus, that gorgeous, ginger mane scaled to the size of a Manhattan skyrise would surely delight spectators, young and old.
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1. Up house suspended by helium balloons The ultimate concept in modern, mainstream feature-length animation would make the ultimate parade float. Sure it's not an optimistic, parallelogram-trousered nautical/kitchen sponge. Neither is it a Mike Meyers-voiced curmudgeon-turned-prince/Monkees-butcherer, but this scientific wonder of plausibility has become just as iconic as any of today's animation staples. Plus, isn't it kind of already a float?
Main characters in American animation don't get as creative, poetic and ambitious as this.
Speaking of ambition, the organizers in New York City should just go ahead and actually make a replica of the South America-bound zeppelin. We're sure the Big Apple doesn't have a shortage of vacant two-story houses available, and it would only take 112,000 some-odd balloons.