Valentine's Day is coming up and if you're not in a relationship right now, you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that at least you're not married to comedian and frequent Chelsea Lately guest, the ever grumpy, befuddled John Caparulo, our recommendation for Friday. We think Caparulo is plenty funny, he's just not great husband material. He recently got married and like all good newlyweds Caparulo shared his wedding vows with fans via his website.
"Jamie Marie, from this day forward I promise to be worth it. Worth the time, worth the embarrassment. You will always come first, and, of course, if you don't for whatever reason, I will buy you some shoes."
Really dude, shoes? Unless those shoes are the same shade as the new car he bought his wife to go with them, Caparulo is missing the mark. No pair of Manolo Blahniks is going to make up for not having a loving, attentive, supportive, working husband. Wait, we meant to say, a loving, attentive, supportive, working, literate husband. Caparulo seem not to have much respect for the written word. "I'm sick of people who read," he says in one bit. "I'm like, 'Shut up, we've invented better stuff.' When I can see the movie, why would I want to get a book and read under a tree and...turn gay?"
8 p.m. Thursday, 8 and 10:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday, 7:30 p.m. Sunday. Improv Comedy Showcase, 7620 Katy Freeway. For information, visit the comedy club's website or call 713-333-8800 or visit . $17 to $30.
Depending on who you ask, Lucio Fulci's The Beyond, our pick for Friday, is either one of the greatest, most artistic horror films ever made, or an interconnected series of mindless gore and pointless pretentious imagery. Those who say the latter are what we call "wrong." Fulci set his surrealist haunted house film atop a gate between the living and the dead. Even though the distribution company holding Fulci's leash at the time forced him to add zombies and shoot-outs to maximize the film's marketing potential, he still managed to pair an existentialist exploration of physical dimensions along with stomach-turning gore and real terror. It remains a classic every horror fan must see. Bob Murawski and Sage Stallone of Grindhouse Releasing undertook remastering and restoring the heavily-censored film with the blessing of the Fulci family back in the 1990s. The resulting print beautifully shows off Fulci's full, uncut vision they way the Italian master intended it to be seen.
10 p.m. Friday. Alamo Drafthouse Mason Park, 531 South Mason Road. For information, visit the theater's website or call 281-492-6900 $9.
You've got just a couple more hours to enter our giveaway contest for free Lily Tomlin tickets. We draw a random winner today at 3 p.m for her Saturday show.
Tomlin, who has spent more than 50 years in show business and has multiple Emmys, Tony Awards and an Oscar nomination to her credit, shows no signs of slowing down. She's just finished filming Admission with Tina Fey and Paul Rudd and currently stars in the television series Malibu Country with Reba McEntire and Web Therapy with Lisa Kudrow. Oh, and last week she was in California with the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles kicking off the group's national It Gets Better tour.
A comedian,actor, writer and producer, Tomlin first created her signature characters Ernestine, a condescending telephone operator with a snort for a laugh, and Edith Ann, a five-and-a-half-year-old philosopher, some 44 years ago when she was appearing on the NBC's comedy show Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In. The show eventually folded, but Ernestine and Edith Ann, along with a few other Tomlin characters, went on to have lives of their own. Ernestine, for example, recorded a comedy album called This is a Recording (it won a Grammy Award) while Edith Ann starred in three animated television specials and wrote an autobiography. Tomlin recreates Ernestine and Edith Ann, and more than a dozen other well-known characters during her one-night-only show for the Society for the Performing Arts. (We're hoping she includes Pervis Hawkins, a black male R&B singer modeled after singer Luther Vandross.)
8 p.m. Jones Hall for the Performing Arts, 615 Louisiana. For information, visit the SPA website or call 713-227-4772. $50 to $95.
Apples become a symbol for intimacy and compatibility in Rachel Erdos's Alma, the centerpiece to Company E's NEXT: An Evening of Choreography of Israel and Spain on Saturday. "The apples are a metaphor," Erdos said in a Company E produced video about Alma. "The whole dance is done with apples; they put them in different parts of their body. They have to really be in sync with each other to pass it from here to there, between the one's legs. It's what happens when you look for a relationship. You want to know that you're in the same pacing and same timing as somebody else."
Also on the program is Theater of Public Secrets by Israeli-born Ronen Koresh which examines interpersonal struggles through fluid movement and gesture work and You Go First by New York City native Loni Landon which features two women playing with space and time and is set to a score by Icelandic cellist Hildur Guonadottir. NEXT is the final performance in the Evelyn Rubenstein Jewish Community Center's 33rd Annual Dance Month celebration.
8 p.m. Evelyn Rubenstein Jewish Community Center, 5601 S. Braeswood. For information, visit the center's website or call 713-729-3200. $16 to $22.
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On Sunday, get a look at the documentary shorts that have been nominated for the Academy Awards this year wrestle. Linked by their shared interest in struggles to survive, the docs are being screened as part of 2012 Academy Award Nominated Short Films (Documentary). These nonfiction shorts shine a light on universal issues of suffering, solace and the strength it takes to overcome adversity.
The first-person account of a 15-year-old homeless girl, Inocente is a powerhouse. She grapples with a mother who, years earlier, tried to kill her, while working on art for an exhibit that might lead to a better future. It's an affecting and endearing portrait of a girl whose voice deserves to be heard. Also on the program is Open Heart about Rwandan children making an epic trip to seek heart surgery in the Sudan and Mondays at Racine, the story of cancer-stricken women searching for companionship and catharsis at a local beauty shop. Kings Point which chronicles the lives of retired Florida senior citizens coping with old age and loss, and Redemption, a look at New York City "canners" (scavengers who collect cans and bottles to redeem for money) complete the line-up.
1 p.m. February 9, 10 and 16. Museum of Fine Arts, Houston, 1001 Bissonnet. For information, visit the museum's website or call 713-639-7515. $7 to $9.
Alex Randall, Bob Ruggiero, Jef with One F and Nick Schager contributed to this post.