Up All Night: Reagan And Chris Enjoy Their "First Night Away"

"Now that's what I call a shared moment."
"Now that's what I call a shared moment."

Just to get something out of the way that's bothered me about Up All Night since the show began: putting a crib together is not that hard.

For starters, why aren't you scamming somebody else's? At Reagan and Chris's age, they should have plenty of friends with kids. Hell, one of our cribs is housing its third child. You just need to make sure you've got a decent mattress and an ample supply of blankets and stuffed animals.

As for building your own, now that those drop-side deathtraps have been outlawed, putting one together from Babies R' Us or Target or wherever should take about an hour. Maybe a little longer if you're unfamiliar with lock bolts.

Okay, screed over. Last night, Reagan and Chris try to have sex.

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Apparently it's been SIX WHOLE WEEKS since the new parents did the nasty. This will sound appalling to anyone without kids, and like a Monty Python-esque "luxureh" to anyone with children/married more than ten years. Six weeks? Isn't that how long you're supposed to wait after childbirth? Oh right, Reagan had a C-section, guess there's no excuse then.

And so Reagan plans a night away so they can get their groove back on. This in response to various impediments to getting it on in the home -- awkward baby interruptions, Chris admitting he rubbed one out because he thought she was working late, etc. And frankly, that last one doesn't sit right with me. You can't go back to the well twice in one evening? You're married to Kelly Bundy! Man up!

Unfortunately, their babysitter backs out at the last moment, leaving them in a bind. That is, until Ava volunteers to step in. Chris is less than thrilled, but she's made quite an effort to get up to speed on baby-related issues, including taking a baby CPR class. Babysitting infants can be harrowing, unless you were the one I had who apparently just watched The Mod Squad while I stuck forks in uncovered electrical sockets.

Ava needs a break from her torrid-ish relationship with Julian Escondani, who owns a string of nightclubs Reagan charitably refers to as "soul sucking skank factories." She longs to meet a "regular Joe," which is what every woman says about ten minutes before meeting one and deciding they'd rather have the cool car and platinum card after all.

For once Ava's subplot is more entertaining than that of Reagan and Chris. The producers have done a good job spacing out her crazy, and she plays well against guest star Jason Lee, fresh from the cancellation of Memphis Beat and dialed back into smart-ass mode as single dad supreme Kevin, who comes over to help rescue baby Amy from a stuck seat strap. "Dried food...it's like glue."

Back at the hotel, Reagan and Chris crash...a homecoming dance? I thought hotels outlawed high school functions (for obvious reasons) decades ago. But it appears to work, getting that fire started until they can't get a hold of Ava. Naturally they go home to check, and find Ava and Kevin getting friendly. Everything works out as Reagan and Chris have some much needed hotel sex, and Ava breaks up with Julian. Other stuff may have happened, but I kept switching back and forth between this and recaps of Rick Perry's debate implosion.

Which was frankly much more hilarious than last night's episode.

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